Had a kind of "showdown" session with my staff today. Well, that's exaggerating, but it was more like a feedback session from them. Not the angry kind lah...also because year end review coming, so they wanted to clear the air before that.
They were saying that they don't feel appreciated by me as I don't really tell them so often. Although they still believe that I don't do it intentionally, and it's just the way I communicate.
No, I didn't feel offended or anything, but I think it's good they share with me their feelings rather than have them repressed, this thorn. I believe this thorn has become a sting and whenever I say something that is neutral, it begins to sound negative, which is all a misunderstanding.
I am not a very direct person or good at communicating my thoughts. And I am not expressive. My friends have commented that I am "cold" or seem aloof, and one even referred me to Mona Lisa or even ice queen, not knowing what goes on in my mind. No, I'm not spontaneous and maybe I lag in responding because I analyse too much. Or maybe because I'm just slow in reacting. Is it the detached way of mine?
I don't express much and maybe I don't compliment people much, not because I don't appreciate them. So I began reflecting. Is it my background? My family isn't super strict, but I don't recall compliments coming that easily though. Maybe it was the unsaid. Maybe that's why I also don't receive compliments well; I get caught off guard at how to react when someone compliments me. I only started reminding myself to thank people when they do in recent years and it still feels awkward to me. Am too critical of myself and as such, am critical of others?
Actually, maybe to me the silent way is acknowledging that they are doing okay, and I don't worry about them. However, they want something certain or directional in that sense to know how they are doing. And if I do ask about progress, I really just want to know the progress and what's going on, not really wanting to restrict them but showing interest in what they are doing. Not micro-managing because I do trust them, and when I ask them to do things, I know they can do it, and not just "ordering" them about. Hmm...sometimes I'm also gauging how far to push them.
And maybe I tend to look for solutions and neglect the praise parts. (Sometimes I think in this aspect I'm like a guy? No?) So in my feedback during mid-year I gave more suggestions than acknowledging the good work done, which was maybe why they felt that way too.
I really want the best for my staff. I also want to align them with the overall picture sometimes too, but at the same time not cramp their style. This is a good team and I want to try to develop them and raise their profile. How can I do it better?
10 years ago
