Calm in the Eye of the Storm

Storm. The tumultuous emotions that comes with hope, confusion, desperation, pain, fear etc. that leads one to make certain decisions just to want to nullify it.

Eye. The sudden resolution and numbness, maybe even feyness, of which one feels an unreal calm to carry out that decision. Dazed.

Return of the storm. The aftermath of the fateful deed when the reality of the consequences sets in; when confusion, despair and fear returns, of whether you have done the right thing or will regret it, of whether you will fully recover and heal. Of whether you will pull through. Flashbacks of the past plague you and all your thoughts are in a mire.

If everything follows this sequence, does it mean the sunshine will really come after? One will never know unless you survive.

女人心

I was just pondering about what a woman really needs in a relationship? We always talk about expectations, criteria, etc., but these are just guidelines. After giving it some thought, I think that it all boils down to making us feel loved and secure about the relationship.

A woman's heart is very "soft" (心很软), so it's not difficult to move her, if she doesn't have any bad vibes about you. Once she has the affirmation, the walls will break down (yes, women protect themselves in this area and even if she's feeling a lot, she'll try not to show it). So most of the time, I believe you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg of how she's feeling or really thinking.

Personals

I'm tired of waiting for something/someone to come round. So recently, (this sounds embarassing) I updated my SDN lovebyte profile. Incidentally, I received a few messages so far, but have not responded to any of them, yet. Call it apprehension, but I don't really know how I should respond or whether I should respond.

One problem with this service is that the profiles posted don't indicate our religion, unless we explicitly say it in the description of ourselves or what we look for (I submitted feedback on this to SDN). So how shall I reply? The most important thing I want to know first is if they are (active) Christians.

I've also been wondering, does the website highlight "recently updated" profiles? That's why I've been receiving messages? Or maybe they just like my picture (I used my current FB profile)? Or maybe it's the description of myself? A couple of them did say they read my profile and wished to know more (but don't know if they say the same thing to other girls too).

If they have read what I look for, they would know I'm looking for a Christian. So should I ask outright whether they are Christians? Or maybe in a less direct way like which church they go to? How do I even start a "conversation"?

I'm totally inexperienced in this.

Forgiven, forgotten

Just this week, as I was chatting with some friends, they were rather surprised that after what one of them called it, 'my "traumatic" experience', I was still in close contact with the people who caused it, and not just that, they are my cell leaders. As I explained, it happened almost 10 years ago (makes me feel really old), so the hard feelings are long gone. I was even her 姐妹 for her wedding. The main issue then was I felt betrayed because she hid the truth while I stupidly confided in her. Yes, it was traumatic in the sense that our relationship was never the same again (but we're still good friends lah) and I learnt to be more careful with my trust in people and sharing.

I'm also quite surprised at how I dealt with it back then (I took time to reflect and then went to "谈判" with her rather calmly), and it was only by God's grace that I got over the whole thing, forgave and forgotten all that pain. Life goes on and God will provide the right things at the right time.

Who?

With the impending addition to my life in numbers, I can't help but think about some things.

All I want is someone who can make me smile, not cry. No more tears, or at least someone to wipe them away. Well, 男人不该让女人流泪 (unless if it's tears of happiness). Of course, there can be disagreements but not to a certain level of emotional hurt.

(ok, I planned to stop here, but...)

Well, that's one of the things I asked myself. What do I really want? What do I look for? Of course, he has to be a godly man (a Christian man of reasonably good faith), and someone who shares some common interests with me, especially appreciating the arts. He doesn't need to share all my interests, but arts (especially performing arts) is a big part of me. Someone whom I can serve God together with. It could be the area of worship or something, I don't know. But where the Lord leads for both of us.
Someone who can accept me as who I am, just like how I would accept who he is, because there is no other me (or him).

I guess all these will contribute to a man that can make me smile. Am I asking for too much?

More exciting please

What is it with guys that they 'prefer' girls that are as sporty as them.
I may not be the super outdoor kind but I like some hiking (ok, more nature trails kind) and I prefer games, like racquet games or ball games. At least I fence. And even if I don't play those sports, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy them in other ways.

What do you expect me to do? Sky dive?

A Year of Uncertainty?

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine was commenting that he felt that it would be a good year for him this year, after a somewhat "turbulent" time last year. Good for him to be so positive.

Anyway, I couldn't help but began thinking of what kind of year it would be for me. As far as things are going, I foresee that it's a year of uncertainty.

1 major change that's affecting me is in the area of my career. Everything is so uncertain now. There has been an re-org and my job scope has drastically changed. My initial reaction was of confusion, frustration, shock, etc. But after some time, I'm learning to accept this change. I believe that this is by the grace of God. Firstly, even during the "turmoil" of what to do, God never explicitly said "get out" (of this assignment). I admit I didn't specifically pray for anything coz I really didn't know what to pray for. To pray for Him to open a door elsewhere? Or to battle/adapt to the change? (Honestly, I still don't know what to do) But somehow, I believe He gave me a peace. Right now, I'm still quite amazed coz I feel safe. He seems to be saying "leave it in His hands". As much as I feel that I want to "fight", but I find it impossible to do it now.

Secondly, I seem to see new light. Maybe God is training me to learn new skills in my profession (to increase my knowledge and versatility?) and also, I still have the opportunity to embark on my journey to learn reference work, which we can undertake as an "ECA" outside of our existing scope of work. Hopefully I'm up to it. I am sad at losing some of my "baby" projects, (and maybe glad that I'm finally getting off 1, which if I stayed on in the dept, I will never get to stop doing), but I believe that they are still in good hands now from latest updates, and should be thankful for the opportunities gained and thrown in my path. Hopefully I can embark on some other projects/scope that don't get me too far from the arts.

I am still not aware of my exact scope of work even though my division head has given some tentative areas and she needs to discuss with the dept heads to confirm them if they're on and weightage. I'm also not sure when this change will take effect. But I thank God that I can always rely on Him. It feels good to just "go with the flow" and believing that He'll guide me somewhere. I think I still believe something will happen next year, if I heard Him correctly last time. He has guided me so far, before I joined the profession till where I am now, and I still believe He will do so.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~ Jeremiah 29:11 

 

I have had this verse communicated to me twice now, the 2nd time at Sunday service. Gee, I had a conviction lately that I should study the book of Jeremiah.

 

Serving the Lord in church. Well, this is still uncertain. I submitted an application earlier on, but no news, so maybe it's not time yet? Don't know.

Hmm...relationships. Aiyah, this is always uncertain. I'll wait for God's provision.

Uncertain as things are, there is always one certainty; that God will provide and is ever faithful.

New York, I Love You

Hmm...it's been a while since I watched an "artsy" film...by "artsy" I mean abstract that requires some mulling over. And New York, I Love You was such a film, a little on the artsy side where one has to focus on the whole concept of the show, cinematography and how the show was put together.

It turns out that it wasn't the romantic comedy that I thought it would be, and obviously, wasn't like Love Actually, which I initially thought it would be like from the synopsis and trailer. Well, it painted a rather dim, fleeting picture of relationships, although there were some warm ones like the old couple (I liked that story...very old school). It was actually a rather interesting way of depicting New York and relationships. I noticed there was the focus on the wedding ring in some of the stories, like in the 1st story with Hayden Christensen (he looked a little different), the Shu Qi story and the couple at dinner near the end. The only thing I couldn't get was the Shia Lebouf segment. What was that all about? A bit weird (though I liked the music). I don't know. I thought the woman was planning of killing herself (jumping through the window?), but then it was pretty weird when Shia jumped out instead with "how can you bear it". Was he a personification of her crippled soul? Or some memory of distant past? It was pretty strange.

My interpretation? I think one must take the movie as a collective whole. To me, it portrays the diversity and abstract nature of New York, but yet with little nuggets of stories behind people and relationships. It's after all called New York, I Love You. So one can presume it's about NY. But yet, one can take into view the abstract nature and complexity of love and relationships. Rather poignant. Some find love, some lose love, some trapped by love, some dream of love.

Initially, I had mixed feelings about the show, partly because I had expected something else, but on 2nd thought, it wasn't too bad upon analysing the context and concept of it. The stories were a little jumpy though at times due to its fleeting nature. Actually, I can't really determine if it was a good or bad movie. It's definitely not one that makes you feel good, but yet it's thought-provoking.

Anyway, I suddenly thought of this when on my way home:

"爱情像流沙。当你抓得太紧时，它就越会流失。倘若你轻轻用双手捧起， 你便能溢出盛多的爱。"

It's Complicated

When I first saw the poster, I was like "ermm...should I watch it"? Well, the story was a little "complicated" (ha!) and it's kind of weird to watch Meryl Streep in a love affair at her age. I'm also not really a fan of Alec Baldwin. But in the end, I did finally catch it last night. I was commenting to my friend that it was interesting that I didn't even watch the trailer (she too) and we decided to catch it nevertheless.

It was actually quite funny! although it ended with a more "serious" note. The story was about a divorced couple who entered into an affair with each other at their son's graduation. However, this time, the ex-wife, Jane (Meryl Streep) becomes the 3rd party as the ex-husband, Jake (Alec Baldwin) is now married to someone else (his mistress then). Jane eventually realises that the initial thought of maybe getting back with her ex-husband was not really what she wanted. And she breaks it off at the end. Another man, Adam (Steve Martin) does enter Jane's life along the way...

This was definitely much better than what I caught last week (Did You Hear About the Morgans?)

What is love? A puzzle piece?

It's really hard to define, but I was watching a show on Hallmark the other day (can't remember the name) but here's how love was defined as the mother told it to her 10-year-old son (who asked her) what her late husband used to say about their love - that love is when you find someone who makes you feel complete.

I think this is a rather good definition and there is truth in it. Just like how a husband and wife are meant to complement each other in making whole a relationship, so is how we define love, a completeness.

It's like a puzzle isn't it? And finding the right one is like finding a piece of a puzzle that fits, such that you can complete the puzzle and all other things fall into place. I won't say it's like finding that missing piece of a puzzle because both will need to work together to complete the puzzle of their lives together. You can't force a piece to fit into somewhere it doesn't belong. It will damage the piece and the final puzzle will look wrong, including causing other pieces to be placed wrongly. Worse still if it's a piece from another puzzle.

a gathering of ex-classmates

This is one of the wonders of Facebook.

I had a class gathering today with my primary school classmates and it was good to reconnect with them again. I had lost contact with most of them for years now, some since primary school, and it's amazing that we could find each other again, all thanks to the "powers" of Facebook. 12 of us turned up (out of a class of about 40?), but well not everyone is on Facebook, but some of them were in contact with one another, so yah, it was considered quite a success already. A bit embarassing though was that I couldn't recall some of them; some have changed a lot, some not so, but well, a couple of them also didn't remember me either. It's also a bit difficult to identify them online as during our primary school days, we used to use our hanyu pinyin names until MOE decided to change to using our dialect names later on. But we still addressed each other with our Chinese names (except of course our non-Chinese friends). I had missed a couple of planned gatherings this year (although I don't know if they came to pass) as I had been jetting around quite a bit this year.

Actually, it started in Friendster when 1 of my primary school classmates spotted me as V's friend, and dropped me a mail to ask if I was from the same class as her in primary school. Yup, it's a small world. It turns out V probably knows a few others too since they were from NYGS. And that's how I got connected back to my primary school classmates, who later started a Facebook group.

It's good to find out everyone is doing well, and quite a no. of them (out of the 12) were already married or are getting married. Looking forward to the next gathering.

"You ain't (re)connected if you don't meet up".

Decide to Love (or not)

What is love about? As senior pastor has put it (a couple of times), it is not a feeling/emotion but a decision. It's true. A feeling/emotion fades off and if that's the only thing sustaining a relationship, then it's the end. If love is just about a feeling/emotion, it would mean that couples split & come together only when they "feel" like it, and that's not what love is. Of course there are different types of love, like friendship love, parental love and even love for mankind (agape). What I'm focusing here now is on what we call "romantic" love, although all these come from decision.

As I see it, the theory is simple, once you decide to love, your heart is opened and you can see things about a person you have never noticed before and there is acceptance and love. Once you decide not to love a person anymore, all doors are closed and you reject everything about the person (ok, this is the extreme case). Or simply, if you decide not to feel a certain way, you let go of that "feeling" which burdens you. It's all about decisions. A decision to be more than friends, a decision to be friends, a decision to not be either, etc. And all these decisions make a relationship work or not. As pastor said, "make the decision to love your wife/husband" and abide by your promise. When one says "I don't feel that way about you anymore", it's just an excuse of saying that I have decided not to love you anymore.

Not that "feel" is wrong or we shouldn't feel. I know it usually starts that way. But more than that, do you decide to continue that "feeling"?

However, there are times when we need to make the decision to "not feel" a feeling for a person when you need to, i.e. letting go, and you realise that indeed, once you make that decision, you find that you take things easier and you can take a step back and reconsider and be able to move on. It'll put you back on "ground" and you can walk again. However, only you yourself can make that decision...and to keep to it, calling on God's help is pretty useful (I know sometimes humans have a weakness to dwell too long or turn back).

Placing Reservations

I happen to think about this. It was probably due to "The Ugly Truth", which led me to recall "He's Just Not That Into You". It's about how guys, if they are really into you, they will want to "reserve you" by making a commitment (as depicted in the book and stipulated by my guy friends). This inevitably made me think of the analogy that this was just like placing reservations at a restaurant.

Scenario 1:
Say you do a walk-in at a restaurant without any reservations, there is no guarantee that there would be a seat for you. The whole experience would turn out different. You might need to queue quite a while and well, what you intended to eat might get sold out or the food less fresh. Even if you managed to get a seat, it might not be a seat you'll really like.

Scenario 2:
Let's say you made a reservation. However, you're late and the restaurant would only hold your reservation for 15 minutes. So that's it, you lose your reservation and got to start queuing again. Making a reservation doesn't guarantee you'll get your seat unless you make the point to be there on time and make a real commitment.

Scenario 3:
Let's say you wait till the last minute to make a reservation. However, the restaurant is already fully booked, so you missed your chance.

Well, just some thoughts.

Milestones in Life are marked by People, not events

It somehow became apparent to me that my personal "milestones" in life are in fact marked by people rather than events, or rather, I mark my "milestones" with people rather than events. It was not the time when I graduated from school, nor the time when I started work, nor the time when I changed jobs, etc. Even though these are important events, they seem like a faded memory, a little distant and is part of the "normal" course of life. In fact, I think the people who were there at that point of time and your interaction or responses to them would make a difference of your impression of that occasion. It can become a milestone or something forgettable depending on your impression.

People can make an ordinary occasion into a milestone, a turning point in life or at least a point when you change focus, or discover something meaningful that you have not known before. Like the time I discovered the love of Jesus, the time of "growing" with my 1st cellgroup, the time I met my songwriting friends where I started discovering new music and made me more motivated in songwriting and the direction of music, and most recently, how inspired I was by my mentor on looking deeper into ethnomusicology, etc.

Subjects have no meaning in them unless somebody injects life or humanity into them.

Meeting new people

I was having a talk with some friends today and it got me thinking...

What is it that when we meet new people, we sort of know whether it will only be an acquaintance or it could result in a close/longstanding friendship? You know, that kind of "good vibes" about a person, no matter how subtle it is? Is there something in the air that tells you? Some form of "chemistry" that bonds you or "combust" in a way? Why you 'click' with some people but not others?

Although most people would tend to hang out with people of similar characteristics or personality, but there are those that are really quite different from you but can yet bond together.

"taboo" subject of blind dates

Is blind dating a taboo subject or actually it's pretty normal these days as more working adults are finding less time to meet potential people and thus go for blind dates arranged by agencies? In the older times, blind dates were usually set up by parents or relatives, but it seemed to have become a thriving business. Maybe taboo is too strong a word, but you know what I mean. People don't really talk about it that openly right? (Maybe I'm wrong)

Then again, what kind of people are more suited to blind dates?

Personally, I'm not really sure if it will work that well for me. I'm very reserved and cautious, so a blind date will probably see me behaving that way. I take some time to warm up to people, if they are worth warming up to. Well, it may be better than in a big social event, but it's kinda awkward isn't it?

If one party doesn't really feel anything during the 1st date, and the other person initiates a 2nd outing, should the person go? Being a traditional/conservative girl, I assume the girl waits for the guy to initiate. Theoretically, there's no harm in giving it a second go, after all, it's only a 2nd meetup, and something may or may not come out if it. If really on the 2nd meet there's no chemistry or sustainable shared interests (I would say priority areas), then it'll just be back to square one.

I wonder what's the success rate.

And how do guys actually decide whether they might want to meet the girl again? Maybe my guy friends can shed some light on this.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Having been down with flu for the past week, I stayed home for the most part and did some reading (I was hoping it could help me get some sleep...which didn't really work).

Anyway, was reading the above-mentioned book and I'm still not very sure what my primary love language is (I think it's either quality time or acts of service). Well, here are the 5 love languages as stated in the book:

1) Words of Affirmation
2) Gifts
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Physical Touch

These are applicable for all kinds of relationships, whether it's your friends, family or significant other, and it's supposed to be helpful in improving relationships.
You need to figure out which is the other party's primary love language and speak it, then as time goes on, you can add in the rest like as I quote "icing to the cake".

爱多或爱少一点

有时候，我想，女人是不是应该找一个爱她比她爱他多一点的伴侣。这并不代表她不爱他，而只是不愿太过度付出而遭到伤害。

一个女人往往比较“吃亏”因为她比较会付出感情。一旦付出了就很难收回。若遭到伤害，也比较难抚平伤口。这是女人的优点，也是她缺点。也许她也希望被人疼爱多一点。毕竟，一个能比她爱他多一点的男人应该更懂得珍惜她吧。

当然，如果她能肯定得确定他是全心全意地爱她是，她是不会畏缩的。

其实，若两人真的是真心相爱的，谁爱得比较多也是很难衡量的为数。

哈哈。。。好矛盾。

这只是一个女人的想法。

Choosing someone...

Recently, I attended a talk by 1 of our church pastors who shared on 10 principles of choosing/finding a life partner.

1 interesting point he pointed out during the "principle of willingness" (Genesis 24:8, 57) is that a lot of us may have this notion that there is only 1 person in the world that is chosen for us, hence, sometimes, we hesitate, asking if the person you've met is that one and eventually, the opportunity passes us by if we wait too long or decide not to pursue this interest. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, for this thing on whether there is predestiny is beyond us. We will never know what's ahead coz we can never comprehend God's ways.
But one thing's for sure. It is by God's grace that we meet who we meet and there has to be willingness from both parties. God doesn't tie us down and He allows us to make choices, just like when Abraham says he will release the servant from the oath of finding Isaac's mate if the girl is not willing. Other examples of God letting us be free to choose are Numbers 36:6 and 1 Corinthians 7:39. He allows us to marry anyone we wish as long as we are marrying within the principles of God (e.g. to be equally yoked).

And when both parties are willing, He makes things happen. Just like the "moment" between Isaac & Rebekah in Genesis 24:63-64. Nothing is too difficult for our God. Most importantly, we must "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

To round up, here are the 10 principles:
1) Principle of Seeking Counsel (Gen. 24:12-14)
2) Principle of Equally Yoked (Gen. 24:4)
3) Principle of Beauty & Purity (Gen. 24:16)
4) Principle of Shared Inheritance (Gen. 24:7)
5) Principle of Willingness (Gen. 24:8,57)
6) Principle of Prayer (Gen. 24:12)
7) Principle of Kindness (Gen. 24:19-20)
8) Principle of Family Blessing (Gen. 24:59-60)
9) Principle of Timing (waiting for the divine timing of God; trust)
10) Principle of The Well

My 301st

Hey! I just passed my 300th post! Haha...
Will just post something "frivolous".

Being the old-fashioned romantic, I believe letters are great to express feelings, thoughts, etc. I tend to do it all the time. Not love letters lah, but if I need to say something important but find it hard to verbalise, I write a letter. e.g. when I had to "谈判" with a friend (which I followed up with a talk, of course), announcement of my becoming a Christian and also my baptism...

Anyway, after some exchange of comments on my friend's blog about this radio program that was going on (Date Mate), I suddenly wanted to ask:

1) Ladies - would you prefer to receive a letter first before being asked out?

2) Gentlemen - would you write a letter to express your feelings first then ask the gal out or the other way around?

(Anyway, I doubt many people will respond to this though as I figure not many read my blog, but just for fun!)