A matter of choice

Often, we hear people say, "why does God let these (bad) things happen?"

I never really knew how to answer this because I really don't know the answer to that. What if I answer wrongly? What if I can't support my answer? I have never experienced what they experienced, so who am I to answer? And really, only God can answer this fully.

However, today, while reading a devotional, this was something that seem to shed some light to this question. I'm not sure, but well...

One reason could be that God gave us (man) freedom of choice. Even from the beginning, like Adam & Eve. And because of these choices, to each a path is wrought. And things happen because of the choices we make. Unfortunately though, some choices were made that led to situations that seem painful, but they mould us. Also, unfortunately, some were made by others which unwittingly/intentionally hurt us because we are all linked in 1 way or another.
However, if we seek the Lord, we will find our way out eventually. God tries to prompt us to get out of the situation which we or others have wrought for ourselves/us, but if we push Him away (by our own choice), He can't do anything until we are willing to let Him solve it.

Any thoughts?

Against the "striving" grain

My friend was reflecting on the phrase "lest too light winning make the prize light" from The Tempest; how people tend to treasure things more if they worked hard to get them.

It came upon me how irrational this might sound when it comes to our relationship with God. We cannot "earn" our salvation through the things we do, for He loves us regardless of what we do. In fact, it's the opposite, He worked for us by sending Jesus to save us even though we did not earn it. He gave it freely to us. Although this might support the phrase's rationale to a certain extent as God "worked hard" for it, but to Him, the prize wasn't "light" to begin with. He values and cherish us all the same.

Unless the LORD builds the house, 

its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves. 

(Psalm 127:1-2)

Conclusion? I believe the amount of hard work put in reveals that you do not in the first place think the prize is light, but treasure it, that's why you want to strive for it, i.e. you reveal how much you treasure something by the amount of work you put in. Seems like a chicken and egg issue again.

On a side note, would you call this too "easy" for us? Then in this case do we take God for granted?

statements to ponder

I attended a discussion forum today and here are 2 statements I took away (the gist of it):

"Innovation is birthed from constraints"

"The difference between sales & marketing -

Sales is selling an existing/ready product to meet your (existing) needs.

Marketing is making you think you need the product."

Analysing movie-going behaviour

Was just pondering about human behaviour in terms of whether one would go to a movie alone or not. I know of some people that will not go to the movies if they didn't have company, but others (like me) who would go to the movies on their own. Just like how some people who won't eat alone (outside).

Personally, I don't mind going to the movies alone, and sometimes I kind of enjoy it, especially for certain types of shows. Anyway, you can't really talk to your friend much during the show.
I believe I started cultivating this habit during my Uni days when I went to NTU. You know, you have free time in the afternoons after class and you're staying in the hostel. This induced me to go to Jurong Point sometimes to catch a movie. Maybe also because in the Uni days, one usually gets more allowance. :P Don't recall going to the movies much when I was younger.

Anyway, coming back to my "analysis", I shall speak in the perspective of someone who would go to the movies on their own.

1) maybe you really enjoy watching movies and if there's a particular movie you want to catch, you don't want to miss it, even though your friends don't wan't to, are not free or have watched it already. So you just go ahead and catch the movie.

2) maybe you have a preference to watch certain types of shows alone. It could be a weepy show and you might not want to be seen sobbing away by your friends (unless of course they would be crying beside you). Or it could be an "artsy" or "deep" film that you want to watch & reflect on in your own space.

3) you can be an impulsive moviegoer and if you're free, you just see which movie is playing and suitable and you just buy the ticket and watch it. (This is not me though coz I usually plan my movie schedule)

4) you're just too lazy to organise a movie outing or you prefer a more flexible schedule.

5) (though it doesn't seem a happy reason) - you just want to get away.

I'm more the 1 & 2 type.

Wonder what do my friends think and which category they are?

Decide to Love (or not)

What is love about? As senior pastor has put it (a couple of times), it is not a feeling/emotion but a decision. It's true. A feeling/emotion fades off and if that's the only thing sustaining a relationship, then it's the end. If love is just about a feeling/emotion, it would mean that couples split & come together only when they "feel" like it, and that's not what love is. Of course there are different types of love, like friendship love, parental love and even love for mankind (agape). What I'm focusing here now is on what we call "romantic" love, although all these come from decision.

As I see it, the theory is simple, once you decide to love, your heart is opened and you can see things about a person you have never noticed before and there is acceptance and love. Once you decide not to love a person anymore, all doors are closed and you reject everything about the person (ok, this is the extreme case). Or simply, if you decide not to feel a certain way, you let go of that "feeling" which burdens you. It's all about decisions. A decision to be more than friends, a decision to be friends, a decision to not be either, etc. And all these decisions make a relationship work or not. As pastor said, "make the decision to love your wife/husband" and abide by your promise. When one says "I don't feel that way about you anymore", it's just an excuse of saying that I have decided not to love you anymore.

Not that "feel" is wrong or we shouldn't feel. I know it usually starts that way. But more than that, do you decide to continue that "feeling"?

However, there are times when we need to make the decision to "not feel" a feeling for a person when you need to, i.e. letting go, and you realise that indeed, once you make that decision, you find that you take things easier and you can take a step back and reconsider and be able to move on. It'll put you back on "ground" and you can walk again. However, only you yourself can make that decision...and to keep to it, calling on God's help is pretty useful (I know sometimes humans have a weakness to dwell too long or turn back).

Milestones in Life are marked by People, not events

It somehow became apparent to me that my personal "milestones" in life are in fact marked by people rather than events, or rather, I mark my "milestones" with people rather than events. It was not the time when I graduated from school, nor the time when I started work, nor the time when I changed jobs, etc. Even though these are important events, they seem like a faded memory, a little distant and is part of the "normal" course of life. In fact, I think the people who were there at that point of time and your interaction or responses to them would make a difference of your impression of that occasion. It can become a milestone or something forgettable depending on your impression.

People can make an ordinary occasion into a milestone, a turning point in life or at least a point when you change focus, or discover something meaningful that you have not known before. Like the time I discovered the love of Jesus, the time of "growing" with my 1st cellgroup, the time I met my songwriting friends where I started discovering new music and made me more motivated in songwriting and the direction of music, and most recently, how inspired I was by my mentor on looking deeper into ethnomusicology, etc.

Subjects have no meaning in them unless somebody injects life or humanity into them.

Getting Away (2)

I guess another get away option would be to travel. Personally, I dislike flying, but to travel to destinations, that's the fastest way.

Maybe travelling can really help one to forget things, to escape constant reminders in a different environment, and in it, an opening to move on as one tries to forget...to make oneself distant in mind, heart & soul to certain happenings.

Coming back, there will be a reality lag time, but maybe if one can do something before it comes back, then maybe the reality will be different eventually.

Signs

Think the week of Good Friday has been making my spirit more sensitive or something coz have been rather "reflective" & pensive. Look at the no. of posts I had within this few days!

Anyway, I've just been reflecting again and I recall how real God has been. When I seriously ask something, i.e. with conviction rather than wishy-washiness, I usually get an answer, whether it's good or bad, exhilarating or painful.

And it also suddenly occurred to me how asking for signs is actually quite relieving, if you're convicted to be obedient, whatever the outcome. You just ask (must be specific though) and leave it totally in God's hand. You don't have to bother or consciously keep track (ok, it's better to jot it down somewhere in case you really do forget you asked for it) as seriously, you've already done your part by asking. So all the rest of the work that needs to be done is actually God's. So leave it in His hands!

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. " ~ 1 Peter 5:7

Perfection in Imperfections

Was commenting on 1 of my friend's blog post (JY) which eventually led to a whole series of comments and perspectives, not to mention contradictory statements (human nature isn't it?). Thought I'll reproduce some of my comments here as this is what I feel about finding the right/perfect partner.

It started with my friend posting the new ad by MCYS with the headline "Don't Dream of the Perfect Life Partner..." which started me on how little imperfections actually make us unique and essentially perfect in a way, coz no one else will have the same set of perfections and imperfections. I've always felt that little imperfections actually endear one to another and coupled with the perfections of the person, make the overall person who he/she is. A couple should complement each other such that each person will help make the seeming flaws be sublime.

No human is perfect & I believe everyone knows that, so though everyone has in mind what the "perfect" person would be like, they understand that it is a fantasy. However, despite of this, people hope that whom they have found in reality is the perfect one, or as close to their idea of the "perfect partner" as possible.

Interestingly, a discussion ensued on the right one versus the perfect one. Another friend (JL) commented that the right one doesn't have to be the perfect one. Which raised a question: "Isn't the right one the perfect one?"

I believe that the right one is the perfect one as the right one is the one that is perfectly suited to you. I believe that God has planned someone for each of us who according to His idea, is the the perfect one for us, not our own perception of what is perfect. To put it another way, the "perfect one" that one desires is likely someone perfect in our own eyes, but actually, when you turn it around, the "perfect one" in God's eyes is the one right for you.

To sum it up, the perfect one (in our eyes) might not be the right one, but the right one will eventually become the perfect one.

When in doubt, pray.

Writing to forget

I had a random thought recently and here's what I got:

"Write To Forget"

Is this contradictory? People write to remember things, so why am I saying this?

Personally, to my discovery, I feel that I actually allow myself to forget things (especially not-so-happy things) by writing it down. As I write, I release what I feel at that point, especially when I really take a pen & paper to write. I won't say events or things get forgotten totally, but somehow, writing them down alienates them a little; they seem to become duller. And I tend to forget what I've written.

You'll probably say, "but won't it all come back to you when you go back to read it?" Ok, I don't usually return to read it too soon after it was written so by the time I go back, time has faded the memory away and I won't feel much after that. Sometimes, I even wonder "Hmm...what was the feeling back then?" or "I wrote this?" Hee...I can sometimes be quite "deep" when I write and forget totally that I wrote something like that and be amazed.

Honestly, even though I blog, I still keep a personal diary to write things that I'm not comfortable to share online, mainly some personal ups & downs, although I've been quite inconsistent/lazy to do so. The emotions tied with writing on paper is quite different from when I type it out on the computer. Writing is more personal. So yes, I'm a "letters" person and if I have something really serious & important to communicate to someone, I write a letter.

Don't you agree that once you write something, you tend to let go of the "storage" you have for it in your brain since you had already written it down? The only problem is do you remember where you wrote it? :P

Random Thoughts

"write to forget"

人之初性本善

My friend was telling me she doesn't really believe that "人之初性本善".

After giving it some thought, I still believe that it is so, that we are born kind-natured/innocent, and it is the environment that makes us change.
After all, we are created in God's image.
It's something like the story of Adam & Eve...in the beginning, they were innocent and carefree. However, when the serpent came, they succumb to temptation and sin & shame entered.

Photography...minus the abstract

My friends & I were having a discussion about photography and 1 of them joked that what would happen if a photographer sent in the wrong pics for an exhibition and thus the wrong pics were actually displayed. We joked that, maybe if the theme is abstract, people may just think it's meant to be and go "hmm...interesting" still. "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome maybe? Then I recalled to them that I once saw an exhibition where some of the photos actually looked like normal out-of-focus photos, where me & my friend just sort of "huh?" about it.

You can think I don't know how to appreciate this kind of "art", but I think sometimes, maybe there's more "smoke" than real skill. Don't get me wrong, coz actually, I like photography, if only the more "real" kind, i.e. not those that are said to express some abstract idea. Well, to me, photography, besides skill, it somehow has to be gripping, and essentially, it is "of the moment". I'm not against abstract, coz sometimes, I also think with an abstract mind, but sometimes, you just feel it's not really that great and the abstract idea may just be "smoke".

Then it occurred to me (well, it could well be only me who thinks that way) that maybe pics of nature are the most real, in a sense. I mean, how do you do "abstract" or fake nature? And nature is so simple, yet mystifying and well, natural.

It also set me thinking. As I thought further, I think photos of nature gives a sense that the world is larger than the photographer, at least that's how I feel. One is taking a pic of something not created by human, but of something shaped & created by God. And usually, in good nature shots, I feel that the intention is to capture the greatness and mystique. The clouds, sea, trees, flowers, etc. are subjects for this. It is quite different from when the photographer tries to impose some kind of idea of his own on you. Hmm...don't know if you understand what I mean. Maybe like for nature/scenic shots, you will first be struck by the vastness of nature first and step back for a while to appreciate it before you start thinking of the photographer. On the other hand, especially those "abstract" kind, you will tend to wonder first "what was the photographer thinking?".

Of course, other kinds of photos I like are those dealing with real issues like disasters, war, etc. Very National Geographic hor?

Dreams & Purpose

Talking about purpose in life, I recall my conversation with someone about pursuing one's dream last night over IM. He's in the music line and he's in a way, pursuing his dream (isn't it great that one can be in a job that is your dream?).

Anyway, now I'm pondering if I'm currently in a job that's my dream. At the point of working towards this goal, yes, it was my dream. But then as I thought further, actually, besides that, I was basically following the signs of God! Hmm...a bit beyond my understanding, but God must have placed this 'dream' in my heart then and opened doorways to lead me to this place. However, along the way in getting here, God has placed many things in my path as a result of following the signs and the purpose now seems even bigger, though still vague and it's no longer the same dream in that sense...more like expanded. So what is my real dream or is it I have too many? Hmm...music? writing? ministry?...(haha...suddenly thought of The Alchemist)

So am I pursuing God's dream for me and not my own? But then is this my dream because it is God's dream, for we were created for a purpose? Hee...hope I'm not getting people confused here. Of course I'm delighted that if it's true, then God's dream is my dream and my dream is God's dream, which is the ideal situation. Of course, God's dream for me would be His purpose for me, but as His purposes transcends my human comprehension, I'm not sure what is the final point or destination yet, so in essence, what is the biggest dream? Hmm...

Strangely, by design, I have recently been "exposed" to reflecting on my purpose in life. As you can see from a recent post, have been thinking about it and the latest sermons talks about it too. Have also been reading a book by Max Lucado, Cure for the Common Life, which talks about finding our purpose. The movie too came at an opportune time. I guess it is the time of my life to ponder such things?

Sweet Rain 死神の精度 (Accuracy of Death)

Caught the show Shinigami no seido starring Takeshi Kaneshiro and I would say it gave me a "nice" feeling after it, you know the type of Jap show that is light and simple.

Hee...I must admit that if it wasn't Takeshi Kaneshiro acting, I would probably not have watched it. But it was a sweet show, with some humour as he responds innocently to questions or figurative speech literally. Heard that the writer (Kotaro Isaka) of the story specifically wanted Takeshi Kaneshiro to act as the Grim Reaper Chiba if it were to be made into a film.

It is called Sweet Rain probably coz whenever Chiba's at work, it is always raining. And it was nice to see how his 1 decision to not proceed with the death of 1 person (think partly because she was to be a singer & he loves music...to him, she has not fulfilled her purpose) leads to many similar decisions. And he decides by judging if a person has fulfilled his/her purpose in this life. The dog was rather cute too.

Some concepts that's different is the reverse way in putting if a person should live. Usually, we say "if a life is worth living" but here, it actually quotes "if a life is worthy of death". Interesting.

Well, wonder if the meaning of the title has some double meaning. Is death really accurate? Or how diligently Death performs the judgement would affect someone's destiny. Most of the time, one never knows the full plan of 1 way or the other. Maybe death is the most sure thing in life - everyone dies eventually.

Some things may not seem special, but they are important...they are part of life.

A Fearsome GOD versus A Loving GOD

Recently, the message of "a fearsome GOD" kept popping up to me. Amazingly, the past few weeks of sermons also emphasized on the fear of GOD. Is this just affirmation or I'm really getting attuned to the the dynamics of how GOD is working in the church? :P Anyway, the basic point is that GOD is a fearsome GOD.

Not that it is not a known fact. I guess as Christians, we all know in our minds that we are supposed to fear GOD. But do we take Him for granted? Do all of us fear Him in our hearts? It is true that in the current situation, we emphasize that GOD is a loving GOD and He loves us so much and is merciful (well, that's basically the good news of the gospel), and as preached, some people even say GOD of the New Testament is such and different from that of the terrifying GOD we know in the Old Testament. (Really, He was really terrifying then coz He is a holy GOD...if you know, people were struck dead coz He was just too awesome and holy that the people couldn't come face-to-face into His presence...and if you incur His wrath...)

However, we must remember that GOD is the same yesterday, today and forever and the GOD of the Old Testament is the same as the GOD of the New Testament...He is still a fearsome GOD. Only that He is slow to anger. And the difference now too is that we are under the covering of Jesus, that's why we can now come into His presence safely.

And indeed, I was struck with fear when I was reflecting about the fearsome GOD. If you read Psalm 106, look at what the people did and how GOD reacted. He tolerated them to a certain extent but they were faithless and got trapped once again in the sins of old life and forgot about GOD.
I was terrified of how mighty our GOD is...He is definitely not a weak GOD, it is only that He is loving at the same time (such that if you repent, He will soften His heart). We should really be fearful coz we jolly well know what He can do and should never, ever take Him for granted.
I fear too of the fateful day that I would have to meet Him face-to-face. Will I be cast out of His presence?

Also, when you lose the fear of the LORD, other fears will enter your life and then you'll be in darkness.

To end off, this might sound like an oxymoron, but one should fear the LORD and you will have no fear of the LORD. Which is true. If you fear the LORD, you will obey the laws, and thus you will have no fear of the LORD. You should fear that you don't fear the the LORD.

Flesh and Blood

I was on my way to church in the MRT this morning when I started thinking about people and their problems (in general) and about healing (whether emotional or spiritual). Don't ask me why, but I just started pondering lah. It was something like a conversation and this came upon me:

Even if others may not fully understand what you're going through, GOD does and feels the same thing as what you're feeling (you know, the "I understand how you feel" tagline). Why? Because you are His flesh & blood.

Woah. How is this so? Firstly, we are now His heirs. And what does "heirs" translate to? Sons & daughters, which translates to being His flesh & blood.

Secondly (hope I put this across correctly), we have been redeemed by the price of? Yes, you've guessed it - His flesh & blood, the Son of GOD, Jesus.

Wow, that's the extent of GOD's love and doesn't it tell you how precious you are to Him? Amazing.

Just the notion?

What if you get to know someone that you think you like? However, as you're shy, you don't dare to approach the person. Slowly, your feelings grow, but it seems only one-sided, and you get all sad over it...like unrequited, but uncertain. However, you always imagine the day of a final face-to-face "showdown" or the outcome, always asking yourself "what if?".

Then one wonders...let's say your feelings grow & grow so it's like so "big" and you begin to focus on the feelings. But then 1 day, the person you like does asks you out. Will you feel happy? Will you feel sad, because you're uncertain of the outcome? Or would you have become so accustomed to feeling sad & having no return in feelings that this sudden reciprocation actually kills the feelings as you don't know how to react (sounds masochistic?)?
Don't you ponder, did you really like the person or you liked the romantic notion of this uncertainty and unrequited love?

Ain't it so with those sad love stories...one always find the "sob story" part romantic melancholically.

Light and Shadow

Faced with the light of the Lord in front of us, shadows fall behind us.

Conversely, turn your back to the Light and shadow lies ahead of you.

Nobody's perfect

I think "nobody's perfect" is something that many tend to forget. Why is that? Coz each of us have a certain expectation of people we meet, we work with, we live with, etc. We sort of keep expecting something & hope that person is perfect in carrying out a certain duty or as a person, until the day that person fails to meet that expectation. Slowly, you realise the person is not as "perfect" as you expect and one starts to complain. It is at this point of complaining that one tends to forget that "nobody's perfect" (that's why the complaints).
Well, people are good at some things and weak at other things, and placing your own standards on others (or worse, sometimes you have double standards *gasp*) is sometimes unfair. I don't mean that having some expectations is bad, but if the person is not what you thought he/she might be, you might sometimes need to accept who the person is and look at things in a different way. I guess it's a way of getting to know the person better, in a good way. Of course, this is more applicable in the sense that the person is still a good person, only like anyone, there are "blind spots" or weaknesses. I don't mean people who betray you, that's plain treachery and deceit.

One also tends to forget that oneself is also not perfect. I think all of us are guilty at some point in time of being "perfectionistic", which sometimes means insisting that it can only be our way, even when it is detrimental, irrational or being narrow-minded. Well, hopefully, one would realise it & admit the flaw after the outburst.