Restarting my fencing classes

Today, I restarted my fencing classes again. I was already falling into inertia, so it was a good jolt, as I did a "refresher" course. Believe it or not, I was the only adult taking classes! The rest were secondary school kids! My colleagues were not continuing (some only next year).

However, this time round I tried épée for the 1st time. This is different from foil; epee's target area is any part of the body. So I had to remember that I can poke anywhere, and must be quick & swift. The épée, descendant of the duelling sword is heavier than foil with a larger guard. Yes, got an injury on my fencing arm (won't "show it off" this time around). Will need to wear some bandage on my left arm next time for better protection.

On the whole, it was quite exhilarating! Though I need to build up my stamina 1st and train myself to be fitter. Need to train my thrusts too, so that I can hit target accurately.

Marley & Me

I've finally finished reading Marley & Me ~ "The heartwarming and unforgettable story of a family in the making and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life".

This is a must read for all dog lovers! I learned a lot more about labradors. It takes a lot of responsibility. I didn't know dogs grey too when they get old!

The book records the life of Marley from the time of his "adoption" as a puppy till his death. You get to know this dog as he journeys with the writer & his family, from the time they were newly married to having kids, like a personal friend & you feel you're a part of the life of the dog, endearing him to you. You'll find yourself laughing & crying as you read along. I nearly choked on my tears as the book went into its last few chapters when Marley was reaching the end of life's journey.

Don't you just love dogs? Unfortunately, I don't own one.

Unequally yoked & infidelity

Today, attended another event and there was some talk about why a Christian must marry a Christian. Surprisingly, not all Christians seem to agree...or rather they don't agree that you can't date a non-Christian, but the person can eventually be converted (it seems that mostly guys think this way, but an occasional female did say the same). Also, a lady friend of mine commented that it seems that it is "easier" for guys to get gals to convert rather than the other way. 1 person even said he had "no preference". It seems to be like some people think that "well, if the other party is a Christian it will be better, but we can settle for a non-Christian & they will eventually come around".
Huh?! Forgive me, I'm really sometimes very surprised/puzzled when fellow Christians think this way & I myself never considered such an alternative once I became a believer. Maybe it is the way of the world that changes people's perspective on such a matter as the relationship dynamics in society change.

Anyway, that's beside the point. I believed I mentioned earlier that if that's the case, you're more motivated for self-interest and there might be repercussions in future.

Ok, back to the chat. During the conversation, I seemed to have a sudden revelation or rather a light bulb went on in me to ponder if being unequally-yoked is actually like infidelity towards GOD. I am someone who cannot stand infidelity (as do many others). And seeking someone not of the same faith is like side-stepping the path which leads to GOD and succumbing to temptation outside the body of Christ. It's hard for me to explain why I suddenly had this in mind or felt this way, but it's like you're committing "adultery".

For me, I strongly believe in finding a Christian to be my bf and husband. Hence, I hope/expect the other party to share this same value as me, that he will only look for Christians to be his future partner. Although I don't wish to be judgmental, but it might reflect on how he looks at his faith. For me, leaving your options "more open" for people of other faiths is like opening a door to step into darkness or a host of temptations & danger. Why risk it?
It's perfectly fine to be friends with people of other faiths, but boundaries have to be put in place if there is a risk of going further incautiously. It's like walking on thin ice and as the ice melts (like the other person melts you :P), you can drop in anytime in places that are more vulnerable than others to be swallowed underwater. (Maybe that's why ladies are more prone to "melt away"?)
Ok, it sounds bleak but i'm pretty serious about it.

It's not about settling for something that you can have right now (even when you know it's against His will), but GOD honours those who are patient and willing to wait.

Do I sound very 专制？ I believe there are those who share this belief with me.

A Season for Everything

It seems GOD has been repeating stuff (at least to me) lately. From my earlier entry about his faithfulness, this time, He's emphasizing about patience.

This week's network meeting mentioned about "A Time for Everything" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8); about the chronos, kairos & pleroo times of life.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace"

Then, this morning as I was reading a section of a chapter of a book, the same verses came out. After that, as I was reading "Our Daily Bread" The same verses again!

Guess as from the previous message, I have to be patient & let GOD do his work at His timing; He's saying "wait a while lah".

Amazing how GOD repeats His message to us...maybe He knows I'm those brooding kind, so needs more?

Putting your "Isaac" on the Altar

I believe some have heard the biblical account of Abraham commanded by GOD to "sacrifice" his only GOD-given son, Isaac, who was born to him when he was 100 yrs old (GOD had promised Abraham that He will make him the father of nations).
Abraham, being the obedient servant of GOD obeyed & brought Isaac to the designated area & built an altar, placing Isaac on it. Just as he was about to carry out the deed, an angel of the LORD stopped him and said that the LORD has provided something else (Genesis 22).

Anyway, what I'm trying to write here is that at this week's network meeting, our pastor mentioned about putting her "Isaac" on the altar.
For me, are there any "Isaac"s that need to be put on the altar? I believe I have and the LORD seemed to be telling me to leave it in His hands and He has his timing. I should let go & let GOD and not keep thinking & fretting over something I know I can't control.
I'm trying to do that & keep praying, though I still tend to want to know & am anxious to know.

Management vs passion for directive

Sometimes, one really wonders if the management, bosses & supervisors really agree with the mission & what top level management sets as the direction to go, or are they just doing it just for the sake of doing it because top management says so.

Working in my organisation, I cannot see my boss & division head being really passionate about the mission/cause for what we are working for, which has been a focus for many years, though in different words from time to time. They are doing it because they "don't have a choice" and you don't see them understanding what it means to be a librarian (mind you, our division head does not come from a library background). They do not fight for us nor give us the vibes that "hey, let's work together in carrying out the mission/goal". If they themselves don't agree or have the drive from within (the heart) to fulfill the purpose, how would staff be motivated to carry it out? I'm passionate & see the good of the cause we're moving into but am demoralised by management coz they seem to be doing things just for the sake of doing it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not too long ago, another unit from our division had submitted a request to go for an overseas trip to further knowledge. My boss asked the general manager if I could be included too. That manager just said that it is too late now to include my name as the CEO had already approved that unit's request (what kind of reply is this anyway?). Then, recently we found out that someone from another unit of another division managed to be squeezed in because her boss pushed for it. What a difference it makes when management supports staff and at least try to fight for you! My side, they just turn your request flat down without even wanting to try. And they are very inflexible.

God is faithful (II)

Can you believe it?! This whole week seems like it is a message of GOD's faithfulness and promises!

Had network meeting tonight and guess what was the Word shared? It's about GOD's faithfulness and that He will not forget the promises He gave; He will fulfill His promises and answer your prayers (of course those that are in line with His will...His answer can be yes & no and at His own time)!

I'm so amazed at the message given to me since the beginning of the week where He keeps affirming me that He is indeed always there. Our GOD is a faithful GOD and there is certainty in His promises.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)

I am really grateful as He has granted me much favour so far. He gives me clear answers when there is a need, whether it's my studies, job and relationships, allowing me to experience Him first hand. I can't help "wow"ing.

Can't help singing "Our GOD is an awesome GOD, He reigns on heaven & earth"...

GOD is faithful

I was so struck by GOD's faithfulness that I must post this (though with not all the details).

You see, I had prayed on Sunday for GOD to answer some questions on the same day. And as I went about doing my stuff, and chatting with someone, GOD gave me the answer! I didn't expect the answer to come by in that way & at that point I was just struck by amazement that wow, GOD answered my prayer! And within the time frame that I asked for! And I was still thinking of how would I get the answer...I was more like thinking that GOD would just open the door direct to the answer or I would be "thrown in the fire" to get the answer, and not when I wasn't really paying attention where there was a "hidden" door.

Well, I am really thankful that GOD has been faithful all this while and He always affirms it. Though I can't say I've been so, coz I have neglected Him from time to time (and a bit ashamed too coz most of the time, I have something to ask for). Reflecting over the years, GOD has brought me through ups & downs and given many answers to my prayers. My words are not enough to express His awesomeness. Even today, as I did my Daily Bread, the Word mentioned talked about GOD's faithfulness to His children.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

~ Hebrews 10:23

Career disappointment & restlessness

This is long overdue...have been wanting to post this for a long time.

Recently, I feel more & more strongly about my job scope being so not librarian.

For the past 2 years, what I've been doing is more liaison & PR and I'm not doing that much of professional librarianship. I feel really unhappy coz I have not been able to develop a librarian's professional skills. I can't proudly say I am a selector (i.e. collection development) coz I am not doing "real" selection of materials or specialising in any subject area or genre...I'm not developing any specific collection; just receiving & allocating don't really hone any specialised skills coz I must admit, because of all these, I don't know enough about any collection in the library. And to tell the truth, I'm not recognised as a selector among the selectors.
I keep trying to defend that I am a sort of selector but it's kind of far-fetched now...and now, since management doesn't seem too supportive of selectors, I will probably not end up with much skill in that area.

Secondly, another professional skill I want to develop is cataloguing, which i've been wanting to do for a long time. However, I've not been able to try it out yet. If possible, I hope that I can transfer to the cataloguing dept some day if there is an opening.

I'm sick of the liaison work I have to do...I don't want to be a professional liaison officer, I want to be a professional librarian! I know there will still be a need for all librarians to do some liaison work (related to librarian work), but not most of the time! Furthermore, management have some weird mindset of not hiring any more library officers, only librarians...so we have no helpers to carry out the admin & operative stuff?!

Anyway, when I joined the organisation, I was supposed to be part of the collection development team which has since been separated from my unit. As I was new, they gave me the current job scope (& some other areas which has now been allocated to others...shorthanded then) to familarise with things and promised me that in the next FY, I could start on doing collection development on a certain area so that there could be a easier cut-off in terms of the evaluation form. Fine.
Then, when the new FY came, they decided that the collection development of that area should remain with the current selector since she is very good at it (of which I agree...but she's also overworked...I don't mind working on other subject areas too) while I concentrated on the expanding scope of one of the areas I was working on. Eventually, I am not doing that area anymore since management has decided to hire 1/2 staff to work on that because of the expansion in scope. Fine, as I wasn't coping well with 3 areas of work although I seem to be still doing some of the things here & there.
Recently, I was told that they want to "expand" my job scope to cover 1 of those areas of which I have handed over...and a lot more liaison stuff which really is not my forte or like. In the end it was disappointment after disappointment.

The current work I'm doing has not developed me enough to be viable anywhere else in this industry, so hopefully I can transfer somewhere where I will really do some professional work as what a librarian should do. How can I move on when the current work is so...?

Newly discovered cafe

The other day, I discovered this cafe within a paper craft shop in Plaza Singapura. The shop's name is called Made with Love, if I recall correctly. The cafe is inside, very small, with just 2 tables (but each table can seat 4 people comfortably). I wouldn't have noticed it if I didn't see the menu displayed outside (else I would have walked past the shop and proceeded to Secret Recipe coz was hungry). They serve mostly cakes & pies and of course drinks. I ordered a steak & guinness pie (to find out what it was) & a glass of honey lemon.

There was real steak inside! (sorry about the mess...was eating halfway before deciding to take a pic). I wouldn't say it's fabulous, but it was quite ok. The price is also very reasonable (think the pie cost about $5). But I like the idea that it was nicely tucked away in the shop. You get to avoid the crowd!

Anyway, it was an interesting shop on its own. I believe they conduct lessons there too coz there was a special room right at the back.

plaza singapura

Unequally yoked

Yesterday, I attended an event (for Christians) & 1 of the topics discussed was whether a Christian should get together with a non-Christian.

Well, personally, for myself, it's a big NO NO! It is a most difficult situation and being a female, it is worse (why do all guys expect the ladies to give way?! - some of the guys actually said that if the girl loves you, she will follow...what about the other way around?).
The difference in values & background is very trying if eventually, they do get married. I'm already feeling the persecution & oppression from my parents (who are not Christians), can you imagine a lifetime of that (some more double the amount becoz of your in-laws). Anyway, even if I feel like I'm beginning to like someone (好感) who's a non-Christian, I will not even let anything begin. I will pray for GOD's help to cut off this bondage. I believe GOD will honour one's commitment to be obedient.

Of course, there were questions on what if you have already reached the stage when you're about to get married. In the first place, one should not lead the other on that far (even in the hope that the person will become a Christian), i.e. not even begin. Also, it is on dangerous grounds. Firstly, wanting the person to convert becomes a selfish motive (so that you can get together). We call it evangelistic dating. Secondly, it's hard to tell if the person converted because of you or truly believes in GOD. If 1 day, things don't work out, will that person draw away from GOD, especially if he/she entered the faith on the a wrong footing?
Hence, never take that risk. It is harmful to both parties.

I've seen instances where people start to draw away from GOD because of being unequally yoked. They tend to feel some shame & guilt that they disobeyed (that's why they draw away), which they will carry on into their lives. It's sad, but we are not to judge them. They are only answerable to GOD. As always, love the sinner but not the sin.

Of course, there are grey areas where the 2 persons are already together but 1 of them converts (I think some people, though believes, hesitate in converting because of that), whether as a dating or married couple. Well, I guess you are not forced to break up, esp. if married, coz it was in a time of "ignorance". GOD honours marriages for you have taken the vow. However if the non-Christian leaves you because of that, well...I don't have the answers. (Hey, some may even use it as an excuse!) The leaving party should not blame GOD for that. They made the choice.
Anyway, I know that I can't answer that coz I'm already a Christian, and of course I'll find someone who's a committed Christian as well. Only GOD has the answer.

I would rather live without an earthly partner rather than an eternity without GOD (of course I hope to marry a Christian lah!).

tag: christianity, unequally yoked, christian marriage, christian dating

My friend's engagement

Just heard news of my friend's wedding proposal. It's really over-the-top!

Her bf had planned a birthday surprise for her & on the day, as he popped her into the car, he told her she was going skydiving (they live in Australia)! She has been wanting to try that for some time so she was really excited. Of course it was planned to be in tandem with the instructor.

Anyway, as she got harnessed, jumped off the plane & was parachuting down, there, in a big field (the landing patch) was a big black sign with pink letters "MARRY ME XXX". (Wow! right?) Which girl wouldn't get touched by this? As she landed, he kneeled down & popped the question.

*sigh* So romantic & sweet. Envious lah...haha...but no skydiving for me. Was tearing when I read her account. So happy for her.

Hmm...wonder what's your dream wedding proposal? I used to think of those simulated rain scenes (haha...like watching movies)...

tags: wedding proposal, marriage proposal

Fencing wound

Got my official battle wound in fencing last week.

This happened when my opponent (a guy) missed the target area (basically the torso for foil, which is assuredly protected) and poked my arm, which was not so protected as it was not the target area.

Anyway, the first time in real dueling gave me an exhilaration (though I didn't fare that well). I guess I'm not so aggressive & a little slow. But will aim to improve! I will like to continue although it's quite expensive, so I will have to drop archery (can only choose one). Well, after all, left-handers in the fencing field are not so uncommon as compared to archery. And it seems I get to work out my whole body more? Need stamina though.

Victor Tan @ Esplanade

Was waiting for time to be up at the Esplanade before a concert & saw this interesting display going on at the concourse steps (called As it is...).

technorati tags: Esplanade (Singapore)

Walking around City Hall

Was on leave and after running an errand, took a walk down City Hall area...

1) The Old Parliament House (now The Arts House)
2) The new Supreme Court (behind the old)
3) A slip road round the corner of St. Andrew's Cathedral (post IMF)



technorati tags: City Hall, Singapore

Archery bruises

"Showing off" my wounds again! Except that these are results of my sillyness.


I must have been not fully awake yet when I was warming up my muscles. Forgot to watch my arm & TWANG, the string struck my arm when I fired the arrow. Of course by then I was fully awake with the pain. :(

My birthday treat

Celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Finally, I got to try Menotti at Raffles City. It's Italian and the best part were the deserts. Me & my friend tried these out:




Oops, photos are a bit blur coz was using my mobile & the place was quite dark...
I had the tagliatelle with scallops & mushrooms (can't remember the exact name) & my friend had the atlantic sole fillet. Although the presentation was not that exciting, it was not bad, but I thought the fish was nicer.
Alas! I didn't capture the deserts which were mmm....must have been too anxious to try it. I had this warm chocolate cake with melted chocolate in the middle which oozed out deliciously...hah...heavenly & indulging. Think I should go back there to try out their deserts. :)

It's been a while...

Phew, it's been a while since I posted anything...coz I was busy packing, shifting house & unpacking (not finished!).
Finally with the PC set up & weekend ahead, well, guess I should catch up on my entries. :)

Parrying

Today, for fencing, we watched a no. of videos of fencing competitions. Well, was informed that half of the world champions are left-handers! Hopefully I can be outstanding too. :)

Anyway, after the videos, we learnt a bit of parrying. There's this 6, 4, 7, 8 number system in parrying. Don't ask me how it's done, but had difficulty trying to remembering the numbers & associating them to the actions. Must we remember the numbers? Can the action just occur spontaneously? Hence, trying to say the numbering & do the action caused me to be slower.

********
Have been contemplating if I should continue fencing or archery after this 8 weeks of lessons. Well, fencing will let me work out more, but need stamina & speed. Wonder if I can achieve that.

New project, new excitement

I've just been included in a big project as an extended team member which means a new interest! And it's something I'm passionate about.

I'm involved in a heritage campaign, where Singapore heritage is part of my passion. Finally, I'm doing something more meaningful since a long time and I can be excited about something, with people who really take this aspect seriously! Well, the part I'm doing (as an extended team member) is not exactly the exciting part (which is basically my current not-so professional job scope), but I feel happy just to be part of the project, something different from my day-to-day work, or rather, in a new setting.

After all, I think only passion is driving me on in my area, not to mention my desire to develop other professional skills eventually.

The change in me

I think that working life has made me more skeptical of people.

In the past, I was convinced that no matter how "atrocious" a person was, there must be something good in him/her. I even advised my friend(s) that always look at the strengths of your friends, and this will make the weaknesses lesser and more acceptable.

Nowadays, somehow seeing the people around me (not all though), I will always jump to the negative side of the person in question, and convincing myself the person is not that bad is not that easy anymore.

And I complain a lot more now.

Have I changed? Or is reality biting at me? Or is my faith is not strong enough? Am I getting really selfish?

"Battle" wound

Talking about gentlemanly behaviour, let's talk about the gentleman sport, fencing.

I sustained my first injury...and it's not by the weapon (sword)!


We were practising the importance of priority in foil sparring (you need to show your priority to get your point), hence the instructor gave us gloves to try to hit each other's shoulders (got to partner someone) with the gloves. Priority means showing that you're the one who attacked first.
I managed 2 hits/points with this person, but got this wound after I scored 1 of the points; after I hit, she did a flick of the glove (reflex action) resulting in this welt (probably from the velcro).
Fortunately, it didn't hit my face.

Anyway, I scored the victory. :)

Hope for Singapore's men

There's yet hope for Singaporean men for being gentlemanly (sorry, so far I don't have a good impression of them, given their "performance" on public transport especially, and around).

Yesterday, after a meeting, I went to HQ to do some remote accessing of my email before my fencing class. I was carrying my handbag & a big bulky plastic bag (with my shoes & exercise attire) and digging for my access card to open the main door of the office. Unexpectedly, a colleague working there (he was walking towards the door from behind) said, "Don't worry about it, I'll use my access card (or did he say I'll open it?)".
Think I was caught off-guard (& maybe surprised by this act - this shows my poor impression of Singaporean men/male colleagues), hence I only said "oh, thanks". After that, owing to my poor reaction at that point, I felt I should have turned & smiled at him to say thanks again (now I'm the ungracious one). Too late now.

Hopefully, we'll see more of such people around.

Forbidden City

Went to watch Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress last night. It was very good! The music (although some parts sounded familiar...similar tunes in other SRT productions, I guess), the storyline, the cast were good. I found myself relating to the show, evoking many emotions as the story developed. The atrocities of the ang mohs (ok, I don't have anything against them...more because of the history), the internal conflicts of power, the possible misunderstandings. Not that I'm very well versed in China's history, but from the show, if Prince Tun & Cixi had worked together from the beginning, they would have been a powerful force as their characters are similar; one driven by love for the empire/country, the other driven by love for her family; the never giving up, etc.
The show also saw how people only wanted to see & hear what they wanted to see & hear, and the possible effects of unethical journalism.

Definitely worth a watch.

technorati tags: Forbidden City, Kit Chan, Cixi

Am I a professional?

I feel I'm not really a librarian but more like a liaison officer. What I'm doing is more of coordinating the flow of things & little of selection and the like.

I want to do cataloguing! I want to do proper collection development! I don't find myself picking up professional skills & even if I go for courses, I don't get to apply or practise them!


Technorati tags: cataloguing, collection development

Left-handed, right-eyed

I discovered at my 2nd archery class yesterday that I have a right master eye, which means I can aim better with my right eye than my left eye. But i'm left-handed, which theoretically, I should aim with my left eye! So am contemplating if I should continue using the bow for left-handers or change to a right-handed bow. If I use the left-handed bow, I would have to train my left eye to focus. If otherwise, I would need to train my right arm to draw the string.

Hmm...

Fencing workshop

Yes! Today I had my 1st fencing class! It was cool! Not to mention the instructor was not bad-looking...haha... :P Anyway, he had actually won 2 bronze medals at the SEA Games.

It's another recreation activity arranged by my organisation. This time it was taught by a instructor from the Blade Club. We were taught some theory, and some footwork. Basically, you've got to keep your body straight, your feet in a L-shape position, your arms lifted & to keep your legs bent. Being the first day, our bodies were not tuned to this yet, so I'm expecting some aches tomorrow. This will be a good workout for my thighs man. And probably a more toned body! However, we will only get suited up on the last lesson, which is 7 weeks later!

What we'll be using is the foil (which is the weapon lah). This is sort of like the "beginner's" weapon I think. The other 2 types are the épée (pronounced "epp-pay") & the sabre. There are different sparring rules for each weapon.

Next week, we'll still practise on the footwork & doing thrusting. Think I will need to get a pair of track shoes.


Technorati tags: Fencing (sports), SEA games

Dose of Sports

Yesterday, I started my 8-week archery course. It was actually arranged by my organisation as part of some staff recreation initiative, so the committee arranged for instructors from the Kebun Baru Archery Club to teach us.

The 1st lesson was more like a refresher course for me. I'd actually did a one-day course back in JC when I was in my JC's ODAC (yup, some of my peers can't really visualise me as part of that ECA now...haha...don't look the outdoor or adventurous kind). Of course, being the only left-hander at the course, I got to use the same bow almost throughout.

Anyway, it was quite fun. At least I hit the board all the time & not letting the arrow whizz over it & hit the wall behind. However, wasn't quite good at aiming, think the closest I ever got to the bull's eye was the the 3rd ring. Anyway, I couldn't adjust the sight, & I guess there was a parallax error from my end, so ...
Well, the instructor said he will start teaching us how to do targeting next week...how to offset (???) and after that, how to adjust the sight. Hope I'll do better next week!

Did I tell you I'm starting fencing tomorrow? ;P


Technorati tag: archery, Kebun Baru Archery Club

National Day Parade 2006

It's National Day! Just finished watching the parade at 8pm.

A bit of nostalgia as this is the last time they are having it at the National Stadium at Kallang (they are pulling it down!). Still remember the days (vaguely though) when I used to attend it...when Samuel Chong was still the host at that time. Was really young then and didn't feel the significance of it. But now, I can understand better & I do feel a sense of patriotism towards Singapore (it's not just during this period you know).
You can see it especially in my line of work - preserving Singapore's heritage. ;P Ok, this was discovered when I started work & I realised that I enjoyed heritage work & I feel strongly about it.

My favourite national day song? Count on me Singapore. The words are so meaningful, expressing what Singapore has gone through in becoming an independent nation, surviving the odds & criticism of others. and the "count on me" part gives you the sense that you are part of it.

Technorati tag: National Day Parade,NDP

Partners in Crime : A Singapore Murder Mystery by S Mahadevan Flint

Just read this book which after finishing, I'll stick to the decision that it is not bad (if you had read my earlier comments in my Current Reads column). It's quite well-written for a 1st-time Singapore novelist.

It's one of those "whodunnit"s, but set in Singapore, in a law firm (corporate law). A senior partner is murdered and just who is the murderer, what's the motive?
Fortunately, for me, there's no anti-climax & I do find myself wanting to read on.

Although I won't say it's addictive in the sense like when I read Agatha Christie (where once I finish a book of AC, I would be craving for the next book in the series (I get "withdrawal syndrome" sometimes)), you'll want to finish it and it sort of rounds up as a novel on its own.
I think I will read the next book (wonder if it will end up as a series) which the author is currently working on.

Why not read it if you like mystery? You'll hardly find something like this in the Singapore context. You can borrow it from the library under the Singapore collection, call no. FLI.

Brooding mood

I went out with my friend today & she asked me, "why are you exceptionally sian today?" It was not intentional & her having just returned from a 2-mth mission trip, she said, "are you sian to see me?" [Dear J! Of course not!].

I think I'm just in a brooding mood. What am I brooding about? I don't know. Searching in my brain, I only see haze. Maybe I'm over-worked? I find that I don't have much of a life, something motivational. Maybe just one of those "down" days.

Anyway, proof of over-working, my friend said I've lost weight (yeah!). Think she's not the 1st to comment...probably because I've been skipping a few lunches here & there. Hmm...not healthy, but not bad. At least something to make me look better. :P
I think I'm not thinking through much these days too. Seem to say a lot of things that don't seem so wise, or the way that I put them didn't sound very good, though not intentionally.

Silence of the Kittens

Went to watch "Silence of the Kittens" (Singapore Theatre Festival) last night. Not bad.

It's a political satire reflecting how it will be like if we become so "puristic" that we become a sterile nation. It used the analogy of the ban of having cats as pets in HDB flats (didn't know that?!). For strays or "abnormalities" (or non-conformists), like the stray cats, they will be culled.

Tag: silence of the kittens

Indulgences

Ssshhh...my latest splurges...


Got my friend to buy this for me when she went to the US.



Bought this from Lee Hwa Jewellery...one of my biggest splurge of the year. Why did I buy? Had a $100 voucher.

Yikes! Can't shop for the rest of the year!

Feeling inspired to be inspired

It's one of those loner days again. Feeling inspired to be inspired.

Got off work early today :P. Ok, my course finished early, so I was on my own. As I walked, felt like going to the Esplanade; felt a loner needing some inspiration; felt a need to be an artiste.

As I moved along, this urge to escape, to morph out of the surroundings. In our society, everything seems so fast-paced. In my mind, I visualised citylife flashes, people rushing about, but yet, in our souls, there is this need to slow down, to break free. I felt myself torn, saw myself in a desire to journey slowly, but my heart was in an inertia with the fast pace of life; like you're pushed along while trying to take time to stand still, to reflect.

I visualised myself... can I be an artiste? To take time off from work, to do those things that bring out the art soul in me. I saw myself, running around the city, but taking my time photographing things, to sit somewhere composing... something reflective, somewhere.

Can one dream?

The outsider.

Injustice to foreign workers

Wow, I was aghast that this happens here (sorry lah, don't really read the newspapers, so a bit slow). Are Singaporeans getting too selfish? Read this recently:

"Not too long ago, there was a debate on whether the Ministry of Manpower should enforce a mandatory one-day off every month for foreign domestic workers here. Employer brought up various arguments to justify why the maids should not be given a day off. Granted, some considerations may be valid. But the double standard it exposes is also rather frightening! Surely most Singaporeans would not accept a job that does not guarantee even one day off a month! So why are Singaporean employers so reluctant to give their maids the rest that they themselves would unashamedly demand?"

Although I don't have a maid, I would say grant them at least 2 days off per month! They only have these off days and us? We get at least a day off each weekend plus annual leave. Quite terrible right?

New revelation on my promised job

Had a new revelation yesterday.

Some of you may know the story behind 'how I came to be in my current job'. Just a "brief" summary.
After my graduation, I didn't know what career I should actually build on. I didn't really like accounts (which was my basic degree) but discovered my passion or rather it struck me.
After applying for my desired job (although there weren't any openings) which gave me no replies, I decided to take a postgrad degree in the related field (it is an added advantage for the job, even though possibility of sponsorship is included if you get in), so praying to GOD that if it's meant to be, for Him to open the doors. I submitted my application to NTU & went through all the tests smoothly (yes, besides application, had to take a written test & go through an interview!).
Upon completion of my studies, openings were available, applied, went through interviews, prayed...& eventually, I got here!

Ok, ok, am getting to the "new revelation". Besides the point that GOD is good & real, He opens doors if it's His will, makes sure ALL the doors are opened if He does, He answers...
I realised that GOD sometimes brings you through a process first rather than just saying "Ok, here you are" even though He says "yes". He makes sure you grow to be able to reach the level you require and through this process, one really gets prepared. It's a "packaged deal", everything planned nicely and you just know it has to be planned by GOD.

The key is to have the faith to keep believing the promises. GOD does not necessarily grant you things immediately...there's a bigger plan. Never give up.

As preached by one of my church leaders a couple of weeks ago (wondered how come I didn't get this revelation/strike a chord then), we've got to outwait it, till it's fulfilled. For He never goes back on His word. Just like when GOD said He will make Abraham the father of nations, but He only gave Him a son, Issac (the legitimate son) when Abraham was 100 yrs old and his wife Sarah was 90!

Skeptical

I declare I'm getting skeptical at work. Not good hor. Giving me a bad attitude. Hopefully it doesn't undermine my performance or cause me to get bad appraisals!

"sigh" What to do with this kind of environment. Well, fortunately still got some colleagues whom I can 发牢骚 to. Hopefully they don't get tired of it, get transferred out or leave soon.

Alone

Am listening to Gold 90.5 FM, the oldies channel.
Suddenly felt alone in the world. Many thoughts, many feelings arise...not sure what they are. Music somehow always make me feel this way.

Thought of the phrase "no man is an island". If there were no other human beings around, will we feel lonely? Is it because we have come into contact with other humans, hence we can't be an island...hence the feeling of loneliness as you know what it is like to be 'not alone'?

This reminds me, it is high time I got on with finishing the song I was writing - "Loner in a Crowd".

Plain Stupid or Lazy?

I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

We have just received this donation from someone prominent & thus, we will need to prepare a label to be pasted on the item as an acknowledgement of the donation. As the donor wants to see what's it going to be, our liaison officer asked from me the sample & size of the label. She wanted a hardcopy. As she's at another location, I sent her the already prepared standard label, customised for the donor to her in a word document, which is already the exact thing that we will print (you know, something like the mailing labels which already have standard format & size).
Guess what? She replied saying "what is the actual size of the label. I need to show a printed copy." I don't get it? Can't she just click "print" & she'll know? Is she for real?

Don't know to laugh or cry because if the organisation has such people (mind you, she's a manager who's been working here for some time), what's life going to be like here man. Fortunately she's not from my department.

Consultants?

My colleague was telling me that during a course she attended, the speaker said this very interesting & very true definition of consultants.

"Consultants con and insult us"

Haha...very apt right? Ok, not to offend anyone, this phrase probably applies in most cases not all. There are some good ones & mind you, most good ones are usually the smaller companies who can give you personalised service. ;P

Superwoman I am not

It's so frustrating. I have big plans in mind to improve or make my main job areas better, but somehow, I'm thrown into doing things which are not really what I should be doing...those that don't seem to have anybody to do are dumped to me. All these are taking too much of my time & I can't concentrate fully on my main areas. Also, all these big sudden projects...

I'm now trying to keep the passion for being a librarian up, and the uncarried out plans to motivate me as I really want to do more for them as I'm quite passionate about heritage, arts & culture, but am not sure if they can sustain me for long. The workload is increasing tenfold but resources...never. I think also because I'm usually the youngest in the group, so always get arrowed to do the dirty work.

Yah, I maybe able to do various things (haha...ego) but I don't have 三头六臂 。。。you can't give me everything to do at 1 shot even though I'm the only person (yes, my work area is only covered by me, with nobody to really help me)! Furthermore, I must admit I can be a perfectionist at times, so I really do my best for all the things assigned to me & make them as well done as possible and double-check. But it burns me out! These days, I find myself thinking of/doing 3 things at 1 time. Gosh, all the brain cells killed & white hair must be increasing!

Help! Need to let it out! Need therapy! Retail?

Things people say they will do or not mind

It's really frustrating when people say things like "if other institutions have it, we can work/link up with them" but in actual fact, it is almost impossible when there's so much "politics" involved. So each party will want to do everything, duplicating certain aspects of work.
With the limited resources these days, this is such a waste of time/manhours & money.

Missed Queue

Today was really weird...I got cut queued twice in a row.

I went to the downstairs canteen to tabao lunch & as I queued, the hawker actually missed me & asked the person after me what he wanted! Can't she even ask if I've ordered?

Then after buying lunch, I wanted to buy fruit juice. And the same thing happened! However, at least this one asked me after asking the one behind me asked me if I've ordered.
Am I invisible?

Recent Europe trip photos

Hey! check out some of these nice pictures.

Need a BREAK!!!

Think I'm getting more skeptical, of things, of people. Never used to complain so much and could really keep my cool, so things must be getting real bad.

Need a big break! Before I do something I really regret as my fuse is short. Have regretted some skeptical remarks...but couldn't seem to think so clearly at that time.

Haven't gone for a proper holiday since I started work 1.5 years ago.
Fortunately am going for holiday soon...can't wait for it to happen.

Have decided not to complain so much as the more I talk about it the more angry I get. See how things will turn out first.

Weighty crap

wah lau, you know just now, I went to discuss something with this person about the placing of a certain item in the collection. I told her that the item is actually not suitable for our collection as it is an artefact. She said "No it's not an artefact!" I didn't want to argue with her coz she's on a higher "plane" than me, but I've asked another colleague of mine. Fine, I tried to draw her into the scope of our organisation and what's my opinion. She brushed me off!
And can you believe that she threw 1 of our director's name in my face! As I keep telling her that it won't qualify as part of our collection, she just said "so if XX (that director) says you have to keep you would have to keep it". It was the way she said it that pissed me off (think you can imagine it lah). Fine, you're higher up the ladder, but you don't have to brush me off like that. Hey, that director is a very nice person and we can always talk things over. He did ask them to get the thing done (paid for). But she keep brushing me off by keep asking her staff (who was the one who approached me) to go ask that director. Using the director to 压我...

I'm really in a bad mood these days about the new structure & things and can't stand all these nonsense. Am not my usual cool self...had a hard time controlling my anger man. Think it affected my response to her.

So 不服气 that after that I came home to do some research on the subject & sent to the girl (her subordinate) who asked me 1st, & gave a long justification & cc list. Well, didn't cc her, but sent to various other people who would agree with me that it shouldn't be part of the collection.

BRRR.....

Bleak Future

Been wanting to update my blog, but have been very busy.
However, I should add in this entry due to it's "earthshaking" nature. It is also making me (and also a few other of my colleagues too) very unhappy (I'm usually a very "cool" person, hardly complain). Need to let it out!

You might recall my earlier entry back in Oct 2005 "Restless at work". (http://tromperie.blogspot.com/2005/12/restless-at-work.html) I'm referring to the same person. Well, my unit is gonna split into 2 sections where 1 section will be headed by my "previous" boss (well, not yet officially announced, but the structure sort of in place already) and the other (which I'll be under) is "overseen" by this person. This person is the "tai-chi" sort and very senior (old) in the organisation already. And this has manifested in a recent event that we organised where she was supposed to be the project manager (PM) but who eventually, didn't really "manage" it properly. If some might know, there is this project sponsor role & the project sponsor (my "previous" boss) ended up doing the all the managing/co-ordination part. The sponsor is usually the one who only gives some moral support.

Anyway, she has bad management skills & style, which many people dislike (believe me, I've asked around...other depts, those who have worked some time in the organisation or with her & know about her, even staff at operational level). Let's take the event for example. Come on, you're the manager you need to co-ordinate things. Don't be haphazard & in the last few minutes come and throw us some tasks which could have been addressed earlier. Should check back on our decisions made earlier & not be swayed by things. If it's valid, rationalise. Keep up to date. Hello, you are PM & should take the responsibility to keep up on matters. You know, she wasn't in the office most of the time & so our communication was mainly through email. You jolly well know that this major event is coming & you don't keep up to date on matters. She keeps asking us questions (when she does come in) which were addressed in the emails. Fine, for minor details we can tell her straight off. But not for everything single thing?! She doesn't even follow up on meetings. Did you know for the 1st meeting, the project sponsor had to prepare the minutes becoz she didn't bother. My colleague prepared a jobsheet on who's doing what. It's very detailed and she doesn't even bother to read it, some more come to ask us who's doing what. Well, it was discussed at the meeting too! So she conveniently ignored her duties. I had to do the things for her coz:
1) she was not in the office;
2) becoz of her incompetence, pple depended on me to do those things as I could efficiently do it (haha...sorry, like boasting)
3) if we wait for her, the event would have been over.

And no "thank you"s for covering her duties! ( i refer to other people on the organising committee too)

If you're the manager, if you do delegate things to staff to do (ok, mgrs need to know how to delegate & not micromanage), you have to keep track & have a grasp of things. You should do a check & also be accountable as you're the manager even if something goes wrong. Delegating is not passing the baton (tai-chi) and don't do anything, then claim the credit.

Did you know that during the event, she was called to do some last minute thing as directed by our DCE for the event. Fine, she's doing work. But she has to tell my dept head we would think she was doing nothing (ok, we did think that, but how come we'll think that huh?) coz she was upstairs (got this info when me & my colleague went to feedback to the dept head on the new structure). Hello, you want us to know you're doing something you can tell us in the face. But you keep us in the dark while making us look petty in front of management.

She also doesn't know how to think ahead & react to situations. She needs prompting constantly. Mu colleague uses this situation which occured during the seminar...the 'refreshments incident'. We were having 2 tea breaks during the event, the 1st one was with food, the 2nd, just drinks. The caterer was not coming to clear the food so 1 of the helpers suggested that we bring a table out (the earlier tea reception was in a separate room) with the drinks to just outside the event venue (it's actually a talk). Fine, she went out & told my colleague about this suggestion. At first my colleague thought wow, suddenly this person got initiative but later when I told her that the suggestion actually came from someone else, minus point again. Anyway, after shifting the drinks location, what do you do next? I've asked this question to a few people & they all gave me the answer straightaway. Yes! It is to inform the participants of the change! Guess what, she didn't even think of it. She just left it at that point when the decision was made to shift the refreshment area, only informing my colleague. My colleague took her own initiative to look for the emcee of the event to announce this. She didn't manage to get the attention of the emcee & mentioned to my "previous" boss (the proj sponsor) and he immediately wrote a note and passed it to the emcee personally. You can see the difference.
Has she never attended a event before? Being so long in the organisation she should have some experience & common sense in these things. Probably she never got involved in the actual thing & tai-chi again lah.
If we (who are going to work under her) were to prompt her on things all the time, who's the manager here? Yah, she's new to the dept, but she came from other depts where work has to be done. Some more she's been in the organisation for so long, so senior already, surely she should have some common sense. I'm fairly new to working life & I can think of it the response to situation.

Did you know, we were waiting to see when she would ask for a de-brief. Guess what, she had to be prompted by our dept head (we know this coz during our feedback session the dept mentioned that she would ask this person to arrange for the de-brief). Duh! even in school camps last time we call for a de-brief straight after the camp.

Worst things worst, she claims the credit of things done by staff (well, it seems so since mgt seem to think highly of her...becoz of her acting? asking staff to deliver for her her deliverables? badmouthing staff?). She doesn't show accountability or competency to support us. How can she be dependable?

Phew! said so much. better take a break here. Think the more I say, the more angry I get.

Ok, we don't want to chip her rice bowl, so during our feedback we just mention that it's her mgt style & skills we were concerned about, not meaning to make personal attack. She's about to retire soon in maybe about 3-4 years. Well, if she's gonna to continue to be like that, 3-4 years is very long for us man.

Your funeral

I know this sounds kinda morbid, but have you ever wondered who you'll invite to your funeral, i.e. who you'll want or don't want to "see" at your funeral?
ok, not personally invite (or else it'll be creepy...unless you're still alive), but sort of prepare a list.

Just for info

Hey! Just discovered that the Clarke Quay MRT's flooring (at the trains area) is actually a map of Singapore River. It's a simple "map" using contrasting colours, complete with the bridges! Check it out next time you're there. :)

Temperamental

Think I'm getting more temperamental (Must be my artistic streak manifesting...haha...)

Ok, egos aside, think I'm getting more cynical. Is it influence by people around me; are there cynical people around me or people's actions (or inaction) has been changing me so. Or is it a part of me that's been dormant, but has now been awakened?

Finding myself getting uglier inside...it's not right. What happened to my belief that there's something (at least 1 thing) good in everybody? The best way to a relationship is to enlarge their good points & minimise the weak?

Well, guess as I question myself, one finds that at least there's some realisation. Well, I try my best not to judge others as it is written:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

Well, hope I'll not be getting cynical anymore & try to find something good about the people....if I can find any (oops, at it again.)

"Never regret a day in your life"

Read this motivating story. Thought I'll share it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Regret A Day in Your Life

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.

"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed."

"I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
He will never give up on you.

God says in Psalms 84: 11 -
"For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless."

No problem is too big for God to carry on His shoulder. Come to Him in prayer.

Never regret a day in you life.
Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.

Keep going....