What if...

Continuing my train of thoughts (don't know why suddenly think so much)...

What if I had continued playing the piano & violin way back more than 10 years ago? Would my career path be different? Would my choices be different?

But then, if I hadn't stopped, maybe I wouldn't be as appreciative of them or the arts now, a venue of escapism from the daily routines of life.

Think I should take half-day off once every month to have some solitude & visit places...to just quieten down & appreciate things, to reflect, to get inspiration, to do something creative.

Well, have been thinking of this action for eons, but never got down to carrying it out. Think the last time I did that was last July, where I ventured to Esplanade, blending into the environment. Still recalled being on the rooftop taking in the surroundings where I found myself "alone", at least in my mind (ok, there were people around, not many, but including couples).

Have been thinking of taking up my violin again (for ever so long) or even take some piano improvisation courses...my daydreamings again...when am I going to get down to doing them?

possibilities?

Actually something triggered/revived my thoughts on my earlier post "What the future has in store".

Someone suggested maybe I should join his team, well...in a joking manner, adding that my boss may "kill him" if that happens. Not sure if he really meant it, but it was rather tempting. What they do is quite exciting & dynamic, and of course, the people there are way-over-the-top great people to work with. Maybe I can develop the creative side of me over there!

Well, of course coming down to earth, I began to wonder, what would be my job scope then? Will I be able to handle it, especially the public side of it? 1 problem of mine is I have many things in my head that I find it hard to express out in speech. So people sometimes (or rather most of the time) can't figure out what goes on in my head or visualise it. Or basically, I don't know how to talk much...you know, the quiet, reserved kind.

Well, I guess this applies to anywhere too.

PS: Being the "whole day think-a-lot kind", can't believe little things like this, trigger my thoughts mechanism to write essays on it.

Left-handedness

Was at a meeting this morning & couldn't help but notice that we had a no. of left-handers around...there were five - DW, PP, SH, HN, and of course, myself. That was like almost half the people at the meeting!
Knew some of them were left-handers beforehand, but seeing all gather around...well, maybe becoz I'm left-handed, so noticed it.

What the future has in store

Phew, recently, I'm feeling overwhelmed by many things at work...must say, have been feeling more fatigued & neglecting some areas of work.

Not that it's a bad thing as 2 of the things I'm working on, NW & NR (mainly web stuff related to heritage & arts), have been driving me on, giving me a break from the monotony of another aspect of my job area. The projects are in a way related to my passion, basically heritage & arts...& I'm a little bit tech savvy, so it's fun too.

It's only the other thing, GE, that I've been doing for the past 2 & half years (ok, basically I'm neglecting that), which is not exactly developing me professionally in the way I want, & with the way some people work, it makes it difficult. One problem too is I currently don't have time or people to hand some of this over, or even someone to carry out some instructions to keep things more organised so that it'll be easier to pass things on. Ok, I'm not shirking responsibility, but my boss has recognised/agreed that this area can be delegated & I should just oversee, and deal with the more "important" collections. Also, bigger boss wants me to concentrate on the projects more. Well, initially had some plans for them & have been keeping them in mind. But being short of staff, it's tough carrying them out.

This leads to another train of thought...once these 2 projects end or go on steady state, what's in store for me? They always say that no one is indispensable, so will I be able to let go of my "baby" project (NR, which I have been struggling to push since I joined) even when it's gone steady state? Also wonder if I move on, say transfer, will I have someone to succeed me in pushing for it or it just stays stagnant forever (haha...me being big-headed here)? I'm envisioning big dreams for it and maybe some really high level people too, but there are not that many people really paying attention to it at the operational level, or support it.
Well, my boss also keeps saying that for my age, I should be working in a place that's more public rather than be cooped up in a warehouse...or else how do I meet 'anyone'? Does she really mean it and will she let me move to other areas then? (me being big-egoed again).

I was just telling someone that I seem to be in the right place, but wrong scope. Even if I transfer within the same division, I believe I will still be called to do part of the same thing plus new job area. So if I really want to get to the right scope, I must 1st move out of the division, then move back some other time or do what I like as a "CCA". Who knows, maybe if I move out, I might have a different perspective in time.

Of course, I'm intending to stay in this line for quite a while since it started as a "green light" from GOD, until such time that He tells me He has other plans for me.

Phantom of the Opera

Just finished watching Phantom and now I'm back home typing...

It was really nice! The last time I watched it was more than 10 years ago, back in 1993, when it last came to Singapore. Realised how I had forgotten some of the scenes, a couple of sequences or even what I had missed out last time. This time, I sat in the 2nd row...a bit close to the stage, but was directly underneath the chandelier! With all the pyrotechnics, effects & sets, it was amazing! The singing was not bad too.

Looks like I'm going to start playing my CD again.

Untitled poem

Echoing heart of dunes of doubt,
Tremors stamp the churning foam.
Fluttering dust of thoughts sink deep,
where thy shadow falls, still echoing.

© 17 Apr 2007

About my boss...

Hmm...after spending 1 FY working under her, I feel she's not as bad as what others had said about her...well, at least maybe she's not as bad as she used to be (as what some said).

These days, at least she tries to be more proactive in fighting for us, and is able to be in an advisory role in some matters. So I guess I'm slowly opening up to her style.

Well, nobody has no faults, so see how things go.

Article on my art installation

Oh dear, the description of my piece is wrong in the write-up of my work in Straits Times today.

It wrote:

"... features several rooms in a house, such as the bedroom or toilet, where people can be alone....to create boxes for the different rooms"

At no point did I mention "house" as my display included other places like a chapel and park, and I never thought of "house" as part of my display. My emphasis was on personal spaces & solitude and I used photos of sceneries! How then can it be in a house? (maybe the chapel looked like a house?)

I understand it might be the reporter's own interpretation, but it misleads people. :(

However, I will give credit to the picture.

Self . Spaces . Shut (Bear Fruit - Designing Leisure)

I won!

Still can't believe it, but I won! Never thought myself to be able to create a visual art piece (well, except maybe photography), not to mention winning a prize, coz I'm someone who can't draw at all - more of a lit & music person. And I did it on my own! Cutting the acrylic sheets, design, everything! It was fun & amazing too, being able to translate my idea into something solid. Did you know that I couldn't properly explain my concept when I first presented it to the provocateurs & participants? Few could get what I was trying to describe. Think it had to do with my verbal skills; I had it all in my head but didn't know how to express it explicitly. I even received a comment that it had turned out very well, especially when it came from the point where I couldn't draw it out at all to the physical thing.

Now I can talk more about the process and my idea after the actual presentation to the judges (previously couldn't organise my idea in a way to describe it properly). It might read a little long though...

Let's view some shots of my piece first...

Inner circumference:

Outer circumference:

It's a bit hard to see the effect from the photos so you need to experience it personally. It runs till 26 Apr 2007.

Basically, the theme is about solitude. The idea was to create personal spaces to depict solitude.

The whole process was very exciting, from my vague keywords to actually conceptualising it into something visible. Initially, I had many keywords and "envelop" was one of them. I was thinking of an "overwhelming" effect that surrounds you and in a way, solitude does that. At the prompting of 1 of the experts, I realised that I was actually looking at the use of spaces. When she said it, I was like, yes! That's really IT! Spaces!

So from there, I went along developing this idea - it was more of a one-track mind thing as my concept never really changed much over the whole process. As I moved along, many ideas of what effects I wanted to use came up. I thought of mirrors, creating illusions, soundscaping, etc. My 1st thought was actually making a booth to "enclose" the viewer, But then reality set in and I knew that with limited budget, I would not be able to make it. Also, it might not be that aesthetic. I thought of soundscaping like playing a note when people walked in to give them that "envelop" effect & prepare them for the experience. Eventually, it was scraped, mainly because of budget & technical difficulties. However, I was glad I didn't use it. It would have crowded out the effect (too much of a thing) and my display wouldn't be as thought-provoking. I think the sound would also have "disturbed" the solitude aspect which normally gives you that quietness, mentally or physically.

Following that, I knew that I wanted to use a see-through mirror and showcases. I had thought of using glass fish tanks at first for my showcases, to put miniature models in them. Then practicality set it. I couldn't really find the right size and as I thought about it, they would be too heavy (for me to carry around anyway, as I needed many) and expensive (our budget was $500). Eventually as I did some footwork, discovered acrylic sheets & I could use different textures & degree of translucency to create my piece, taking into consideration how and the amount of light that can get it, including certain faces which I did not want the viewer to look in.

Then, I had to resolve another problem. This was crucial as my project is dependent on the see-through mirror effect. I was not sure how to create it or if a material actually existed that could actually help me make it. I only recalled I saw some sort of packaging for hard disks last time that had that effect. I searched the art shop but they didn't have anything. So I thought I might have to improvise by using silver stain glass paint. However, the big breakthrough came when I was at Compass Point doing some other things. GOD knows why I decided to enter HomeFix to look for suitable material & there I found the perfect thing I needed...solar film! And it was adhesive! Just what I wanted. And they had different types like reflective or not, colours and even the amount of light that can get through. Imagine my elation. My idea is going to come into being!

Ok, more about the concept. As mentioned, my theme is solitude, and solitude is like being in your own personal space, where the experience surrounds you in the form of a space, physically or mentally, or both. To me, leisure is found in solitude, and it has something to do with being yourself and about yourself in your own time & space. So to bring this out, the layout/shape of the display actually “creates” a space and I have built spaces in showcases to depict places that one can find solitude. I have used miniature models and photographs that I’ve taken for this purpose. I have tried to keep the contents at a minimum like using solitary objects, as depending on the audience’s past experiences and perceptions of leisure or solitude, he/she can interpret each space differently. The minimalist approach also compounded on the idea of solitude. Of course, the things used were rather related to me - a bed, a cafe/pantry, a chapel, a bench in a park, a toilet bowl. Photos used were actually sceneries from my Europe trip that gave me the feeling of solitude and leisure. My father even commented (upon seeing the exhibit) that it felt like it was my room!

Initially, I had wanted to create a half-hexagonal shape, so I would have needed 6 showcases of models. However, I realised the space created for someone to view it would be too small, so I expanded to having a half-octagonal shape using 10 showcases (it's a 2-layered display). Then a problem came as to how I was going to make miniature models of 10 places, and I already had no ideas of what other places (I wanted things that were easy to make lah), so I thought of why not use photos? Hee...it was also a chance to show some of the photos that I had taken before that I felt were quite well-taken (I love to take sceneries). Then I thought, how do I create the see-through-the-box effect (will come to this later)? Then, the use of transparencies came about.

I also wanted a total see-through effect, not just into the box, but also beyond. This served a purpose, like a peep-hole. Let me give a description of the total effect I wanted to create.

At 1st glance from the inner circumference, you will see the mirror effect. This builds on the point that leisure and solitude is about you.
However, the “mirror” is actually translucent, where you can vaguely see through the mirrored surface and view the models or photographs. You can try to project yourself (with some imagination) into the scenario too. This is using the idea of reflection within oneself.
You can also vaguely see anyone who’s on the other side, like an insider looking at the outsider. This peeping effect works too from the outer circumference but there is a difference (for viewer to find out).
Hence, the display actually allows viewing from both sides, but you will discover there are different effects, experiences & even interpretations. Day-time & night-time viewings are also slightly different.
If you really reflect on it later, you might eventually realise that while viewing the exhibit, you have actually become part of the exhibit whether through seeing yourself in it or being seen in it. An "as one", blending-in effect.

So yes, this is my design. I had everything well planned, how to create the effect I wanted, the consideration of light, etc. After creating my props, then came one of my most 'down' part of the whole project - the set-up of the exhibition venue. We didn't know what the set-up would be like until only 2 days before, when we were actually able to see it. You could have seen my dejection when I saw the platform with the lights from underneath. The direction of the lighting totally destroyed the effect I wanted coz the mirrors would have been too reflective (can't see through)! Also, at night, the surroundings were too dark to be able to see my transparencies through the boxes (the venue was surrounded by glass windows). I was like, oh God, how am I going to create the effect I wanted? Then I started to try figuring out how to resolve these problems. How do I reduce the extensive mirror effect that I didn't want? The transparencies? I spent 2 sleepless nights on this. and I finally managed to do it. Thank GOD!

The reflectiveness part was easier. I used black felt to cover the light from the inner circumference to reduce the reflectiveness. Then came the problem of the transparencies. The light from the bottom didn't help much. I needed lighting from the outer circumference, but how? standing lamps? table lamps? I was thinking of the space constraint and the blending in with my exhibit, not to mention the possible safety hazard (if I used standing lamps). I actually borrowed someone's table lamp to try out if it worked and waited till nightfall to test it out. The light musn't be above the height of the showcase or else it wouldn't work. The question also was what kind of light? Thank GOD that I discovered that Ikea had a lamp that looked similar to my showcase which would blend in perfectly. And I rushed down to Ikea the night before the exhibition to purchase the lights.

I tell you, the next day was still a worrying day. Even though I had the lights, I still needed an extra long extension plug & other stuff. My mum told me that the maximum length on market seemed to be 5 metres. So on the day of the exhibition itself, I went in search of the 5m extension plug. I went to Courts first but they only had 3m. After that, I went to NTUC. I asked one of the staff there if they had 5m extension plugs. She said no, they only had 3m & 6m. Even better! 6m! I said I'll take that and can you believe it, it was the last piece hanging there! And also, it was fortunate too as 5m would have been too short (found out after I tried it out at the venue).

On my way walking from Bugis station to the venue, I was still worried. I really prayed to GOD that the lights would really help make my display work. After all, I have not actually used these specific lights to test out the effect. And eventually, all things fell into place & the desired effect was created. Phew!
Here's the write-up used for the display (which pretty much tries to sum up the concept & effect I was trying to create):

"Leisure is about finding and being yourself in your personal space. Places of solitude are represented by objects & scenes that give a solitary feel. The “mirror” reflects that it is about you, also projecting you into the scene. You see too as an insider looking at outsiders (or vice versa), blending in as it blends into you." 
I actually wrote another write-up, a more poetic one, but it was not used eventually...a little abstract lah.

"IN the mirror, you SEE yourself.
Find your space, your mind, your solitude.
Is this your personal space? Vaguely, outsiders pass by, maybe peeping in. But in your space, you peep out, at a distance from the comfort of your world, as one. "

So, what does Self • Spaces • Shut represent? "Self" is about yourself, solitude; "Spaces" is personal spaces; and "Shut" means away from the outside world.

Ok, now comes the comments of the judges. On presenting the prize to me, one of the judges said that they found my work profound, a very well thought-out piece. They could really see the effect of an oasis of personal space and solitude.
I think it was also partly the "mystery" of how I actually built the effect using the materials & what materials that let me win too. Not that all asked, but when I told them, they were like "really?"
Also, not forgetting GOD's help. I believe He helped a lot in giving me inspiration and the whole process of getting the materials. He knew that it was important to me, exploring the arty side of myself. That was why I chose to include a chapel and built it myself, placing it right in the centre of my display.

I guess I was happy not because I won (I didn't know there was a prize at the beginning), but I managed to do it & the satisfaction that I eventually got the effect I wanted. I wouldn't have won if not for the extra lighting coz the effect wouldn't have been created. I'm also happy that people actually liked it and enjoyed the experience.
This was such an enriching experience that I would do it all over again.

Back from Tokyo

Just came back from my long-awaited holiday...went to Japan with friends! Covered parts of Tokyo & Hakone. It wasn't enough...only 1 week! Not enough to cover all places, more Jap food & shopping!

I liked the place. Weather was comfortable, and I felt kind of at home there & safe even though there was a language barrier (fortunately, 1 of us knew Jap). Guess we're all Asians. Also, it was clean and the people were fairly polite, although half the time I don't know what they're saying. It was quite a different feeling from my Europe trip last year. People were not so friendly, and we were like "aliens" there. Think many know that Europe isn't as safe or clean too. It's also cheaper to go Japan. Guessed I ate more good food and things were cheaper in Japan than in Europe.

Yes, I must go again! Enjoyed the food and we literally walked the whole day from morning to night. The sakura were in full bloom in Tokyo and took many photos. Saw Mt Fuji from Hakone too though it was a little cloudy. Sorting out my photos still, but won't be for long. Am currently busy with my art installation which will be on display next week! Am excited & a bit nervous about it. In public leh. Hopefully I can finish it over the weekend. Will talk more about it after the launch where I'll have pics to show.

Ok, back to Japan. Am so tempted to go Hokkaido with colleagues end July now after this trip but it seems too frivolous. Normally don't do overseas holiday more than once a year. But that will be the season for lavender & sunflowers and it's a different place.