Need a BREAK!!!

Think I'm getting more skeptical, of things, of people. Never used to complain so much and could really keep my cool, so things must be getting real bad.

Need a big break! Before I do something I really regret as my fuse is short. Have regretted some skeptical remarks...but couldn't seem to think so clearly at that time.

Haven't gone for a proper holiday since I started work 1.5 years ago.
Fortunately am going for holiday soon...can't wait for it to happen.

Have decided not to complain so much as the more I talk about it the more angry I get. See how things will turn out first.

Weighty crap

wah lau, you know just now, I went to discuss something with this person about the placing of a certain item in the collection. I told her that the item is actually not suitable for our collection as it is an artefact. She said "No it's not an artefact!" I didn't want to argue with her coz she's on a higher "plane" than me, but I've asked another colleague of mine. Fine, I tried to draw her into the scope of our organisation and what's my opinion. She brushed me off!
And can you believe that she threw 1 of our director's name in my face! As I keep telling her that it won't qualify as part of our collection, she just said "so if XX (that director) says you have to keep you would have to keep it". It was the way she said it that pissed me off (think you can imagine it lah). Fine, you're higher up the ladder, but you don't have to brush me off like that. Hey, that director is a very nice person and we can always talk things over. He did ask them to get the thing done (paid for). But she keep brushing me off by keep asking her staff (who was the one who approached me) to go ask that director. Using the director to 压我...

I'm really in a bad mood these days about the new structure & things and can't stand all these nonsense. Am not my usual cool self...had a hard time controlling my anger man. Think it affected my response to her.

So 不服气 that after that I came home to do some research on the subject & sent to the girl (her subordinate) who asked me 1st, & gave a long justification & cc list. Well, didn't cc her, but sent to various other people who would agree with me that it shouldn't be part of the collection.

BRRR.....

Bleak Future

Been wanting to update my blog, but have been very busy.
However, I should add in this entry due to it's "earthshaking" nature. It is also making me (and also a few other of my colleagues too) very unhappy (I'm usually a very "cool" person, hardly complain). Need to let it out!

You might recall my earlier entry back in Oct 2005 "Restless at work". (http://tromperie.blogspot.com/2005/12/restless-at-work.html) I'm referring to the same person. Well, my unit is gonna split into 2 sections where 1 section will be headed by my "previous" boss (well, not yet officially announced, but the structure sort of in place already) and the other (which I'll be under) is "overseen" by this person. This person is the "tai-chi" sort and very senior (old) in the organisation already. And this has manifested in a recent event that we organised where she was supposed to be the project manager (PM) but who eventually, didn't really "manage" it properly. If some might know, there is this project sponsor role & the project sponsor (my "previous" boss) ended up doing the all the managing/co-ordination part. The sponsor is usually the one who only gives some moral support.

Anyway, she has bad management skills & style, which many people dislike (believe me, I've asked around...other depts, those who have worked some time in the organisation or with her & know about her, even staff at operational level). Let's take the event for example. Come on, you're the manager you need to co-ordinate things. Don't be haphazard & in the last few minutes come and throw us some tasks which could have been addressed earlier. Should check back on our decisions made earlier & not be swayed by things. If it's valid, rationalise. Keep up to date. Hello, you are PM & should take the responsibility to keep up on matters. You know, she wasn't in the office most of the time & so our communication was mainly through email. You jolly well know that this major event is coming & you don't keep up to date on matters. She keeps asking us questions (when she does come in) which were addressed in the emails. Fine, for minor details we can tell her straight off. But not for everything single thing?! She doesn't even follow up on meetings. Did you know for the 1st meeting, the project sponsor had to prepare the minutes becoz she didn't bother. My colleague prepared a jobsheet on who's doing what. It's very detailed and she doesn't even bother to read it, some more come to ask us who's doing what. Well, it was discussed at the meeting too! So she conveniently ignored her duties. I had to do the things for her coz:
1) she was not in the office;
2) becoz of her incompetence, pple depended on me to do those things as I could efficiently do it (haha...sorry, like boasting)
3) if we wait for her, the event would have been over.

And no "thank you"s for covering her duties! ( i refer to other people on the organising committee too)

If you're the manager, if you do delegate things to staff to do (ok, mgrs need to know how to delegate & not micromanage), you have to keep track & have a grasp of things. You should do a check & also be accountable as you're the manager even if something goes wrong. Delegating is not passing the baton (tai-chi) and don't do anything, then claim the credit.

Did you know that during the event, she was called to do some last minute thing as directed by our DCE for the event. Fine, she's doing work. But she has to tell my dept head we would think she was doing nothing (ok, we did think that, but how come we'll think that huh?) coz she was upstairs (got this info when me & my colleague went to feedback to the dept head on the new structure). Hello, you want us to know you're doing something you can tell us in the face. But you keep us in the dark while making us look petty in front of management.

She also doesn't know how to think ahead & react to situations. She needs prompting constantly. Mu colleague uses this situation which occured during the seminar...the 'refreshments incident'. We were having 2 tea breaks during the event, the 1st one was with food, the 2nd, just drinks. The caterer was not coming to clear the food so 1 of the helpers suggested that we bring a table out (the earlier tea reception was in a separate room) with the drinks to just outside the event venue (it's actually a talk). Fine, she went out & told my colleague about this suggestion. At first my colleague thought wow, suddenly this person got initiative but later when I told her that the suggestion actually came from someone else, minus point again. Anyway, after shifting the drinks location, what do you do next? I've asked this question to a few people & they all gave me the answer straightaway. Yes! It is to inform the participants of the change! Guess what, she didn't even think of it. She just left it at that point when the decision was made to shift the refreshment area, only informing my colleague. My colleague took her own initiative to look for the emcee of the event to announce this. She didn't manage to get the attention of the emcee & mentioned to my "previous" boss (the proj sponsor) and he immediately wrote a note and passed it to the emcee personally. You can see the difference.
Has she never attended a event before? Being so long in the organisation she should have some experience & common sense in these things. Probably she never got involved in the actual thing & tai-chi again lah.
If we (who are going to work under her) were to prompt her on things all the time, who's the manager here? Yah, she's new to the dept, but she came from other depts where work has to be done. Some more she's been in the organisation for so long, so senior already, surely she should have some common sense. I'm fairly new to working life & I can think of it the response to situation.

Did you know, we were waiting to see when she would ask for a de-brief. Guess what, she had to be prompted by our dept head (we know this coz during our feedback session the dept mentioned that she would ask this person to arrange for the de-brief). Duh! even in school camps last time we call for a de-brief straight after the camp.

Worst things worst, she claims the credit of things done by staff (well, it seems so since mgt seem to think highly of her...becoz of her acting? asking staff to deliver for her her deliverables? badmouthing staff?). She doesn't show accountability or competency to support us. How can she be dependable?

Phew! said so much. better take a break here. Think the more I say, the more angry I get.

Ok, we don't want to chip her rice bowl, so during our feedback we just mention that it's her mgt style & skills we were concerned about, not meaning to make personal attack. She's about to retire soon in maybe about 3-4 years. Well, if she's gonna to continue to be like that, 3-4 years is very long for us man.

Your funeral

I know this sounds kinda morbid, but have you ever wondered who you'll invite to your funeral, i.e. who you'll want or don't want to "see" at your funeral?
ok, not personally invite (or else it'll be creepy...unless you're still alive), but sort of prepare a list.

Just for info

Hey! Just discovered that the Clarke Quay MRT's flooring (at the trains area) is actually a map of Singapore River. It's a simple "map" using contrasting colours, complete with the bridges! Check it out next time you're there. :)

Temperamental

Think I'm getting more temperamental (Must be my artistic streak manifesting...haha...)

Ok, egos aside, think I'm getting more cynical. Is it influence by people around me; are there cynical people around me or people's actions (or inaction) has been changing me so. Or is it a part of me that's been dormant, but has now been awakened?

Finding myself getting uglier inside...it's not right. What happened to my belief that there's something (at least 1 thing) good in everybody? The best way to a relationship is to enlarge their good points & minimise the weak?

Well, guess as I question myself, one finds that at least there's some realisation. Well, I try my best not to judge others as it is written:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5)

Well, hope I'll not be getting cynical anymore & try to find something good about the people....if I can find any (oops, at it again.)

"Never regret a day in your life"

Read this motivating story. Thought I'll share it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never Regret A Day in Your Life

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.

"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed."

"I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
He will never give up on you.

God says in Psalms 84: 11 -
"For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless."

No problem is too big for God to carry on His shoulder. Come to Him in prayer.

Never regret a day in you life.
Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.

Keep going....

Restless at work

*sigh* Don't know why have been feeling restless at work lately. Don't feel like doing anything. Is it the holidays? My colleague said I need a break! Haven't had a proper holiday for the whole year...(Vio, looking forward to that trip with you, if confirmed going).

Anyway, my boss is going for his Haj (Muslim pilgrimage) for the whole of next month (Jan). So I don't have a supervisor over me! But he does have a covering officer...well, she just came or rather came back to my location in end Nov. And she's been clearing leave ever since! She's supposed to be taking over 1 of my many job areas, which I have yet to formerly pass over to her due to her "disappearing act".

Also, heard many "horror" stories about her (she's dept-hopped many times) and each place have their share of "comments". Basically she's very good at "taiji" (i.e. delegating her work to others). Also, heard that the area she's taking over from me was what she handled and made a mess of last time. My boss used to be under her & he confirms about her "working ways" (yes, he's her boss now...what goes ard, comes ard?). Hope she doesn't mess things up again & also do her "taiji quan" on me (she's still senior to me due to her many years in the org, although we can be considered on the same level now in terms of job scopes) . Can you believe that she doesn't know Chinese (she's Chinese leh)? Looks like I might have to do the Chinese portion of her work still. Shall give her the benefit of the doubt. Either that or she'll "taiji" to my staff (those who help me out). They also know her "working ways".

Cut queue auntie

Wah, just now while I was waiting for cab, this auntie popped up of nowhere. Think she wanted to cut queue and tried to talk to me, to give the pretense like I knew her (混水摸鱼）. She even asked me where I'm taking the cab to (which of course I didn't tell her).

I simply told her (hopefully loud enough) that the queue is over there (pointing). When I said this, she said in mandarin "oh, I've queued for quite long already"....
Well, I had been queuing for like half an hour and I didn't see her at all in front of me. Come on, I noticed who was in front of me. I was too tired and aghast to respond, so I ignored her, giving her a "look".

Now I regretted, should have told her that she was not there the whole time I was queuing and maybe the people behind will know what she was trying to do. She didn't dare take the cab before I did, saying "你们走了我才走", i.e. she'll wait for us (as in the people in front of me, including me) to go off 1st".

Think she tried to "insinuate" with me coz I looked like a local or at least of the same race. The 2 parties in front of me were Japanese & don't know which...Malay, Filipino?

Visible or Invisible Loner?

What's the difference between an invisible loner & a visible one? One's visible, one's not! Haha...ok, don't intend to be corny.

Was reflecting on 'being a loner' (applying to myself), and to me, there are 2 types of loners - visible & invisible. It's all about conformity, or rather non-conformity. Well, there are of course those people who just clump together, who cannot be alone and need company. They are afraid to be alone and always stick to someone or a group, fitting in/conforming. The loner, on the other hand, will probably not feel so dependent. Working alone is just part of life and great for ideas & reflection.

Forgive me, I digress.

The visible loner stands out in a group and is probably a leader. He/she operates on a different (loftier) plane, probably domineering and charismatic....think you know the kind. Highly visible and though he/she is outstanding, works alone and can only work alone...others can't keep up. We always hear the phrase "lonely at the top" right?

The invisible loner, on the other hand, fades off in the background. He/she often feels left out or out-of-place and is usually neglected or forgotten. No one listens when he/she speaks or at least is "overpowered" by others in a group when he/she starts to talk about something. Often, his/her "air-time" gets diverted to something else as people cut in. It seems that he/she can never fit in. These people tend to withdraw from others and just prefers to do things or be alone. It becomes a part of life, so they don't bother to fit in. It sort of doesn't matter anymore. Probably, he/she will crave solitude rather than face people who will simply "ignore" you. Why not spend time alone rather than feel frustrated?

Well, guess you might know where I place myself with the lengthy description. I'm the invisible kind. It's not so bad as it looks like I'm not a conformist and am independent. ;P I enjoy solitudes where I can reflect and be at peace and maybe get creative. Probably God has a mission for me in this vast world where I don't have to fit in or be too accommodative.