Analysing (my) restlessness

I took some time to reflect & analyse the reason for my restlessness at work. Besides the frustration as mentioned earlier, it dawned on me that maybe it's that I'm feeling "stuck" in my current position.

I don't seem to be developing professionally as a librarian and I don't see that happening much soon. Basically, what I'm doing mainly is admin, and systems-related stuff like creating user requirements to facilitate our operations and also provide our services. There's really no actual librarian work being done for me. Maybe the projects to a certain extent, but as a lot of things are outsourced and I'm bogged down by my systems stuff (I'm like the main rep for anything techy for my dept relating to our functions), I can't really focus on them. Also, some "professional development" work like gaining subject knowledge for my chosen focus is not taking off.

What I want to do is to really build on my collection development skill. It's about being able to intellectually select titles for the libraries based on policies, within resources and really getting to know the collection/subject area and what are the books available on the market, making comparisons on why we select this and not that, etc.
My dept basically has to collect certain titles and the bulk of the work is not about selecting titles (we can't really choose) but chasing people for the titles. The only thing we can term collection development would be deciding where the books would go.

I don't mind picking up cataloguing too. However, there is basically little time for me to work on that. Also, as daunting as it is as I'm not a sociable person, I would want to learn to answer reference enquiries. This knowledge sharing part is where you apply your knowledge of the collection and content to help others.

Not that I'm not good at the systems stuff (in fact, I think I'm "too good"...haha...ok, in comparison to others in my dept), but it's not really helping with the professional aspect of my librarianship career.

So yes, I'm stuck here, restricted and trapped, like a bird with clipped wings. You might say I can ask for a transfer, but the problem is that I'm currently bonded to stay on in my current dept/division for another 2 years due to the professional development programme that I naively signed up for. Can't wait for this bond to end so that I can move on to new things. Hey, it's almost 5 years for me in the same department. Isn't it time for me to explore out of it. After all, why waste youth?

On another note, maybe there is really a direction for me from God. Maybe this upcoming music project by a different division would more or less be up & running already by the time my bond ends. And I can help in that.

baby times bitez 1

My mum was just sharing with us that when I was a baby/toddler, I would stand up to sing & dance in the cot when the radio was turned on.

I have no recollection of this, but hey! So my music inclination was displayed even then! Haha...

Butter?

I attended a church retreat last weekend and as it was a cross-network kind of event, we had some ice-breakers. 1 such ice-breaker happened during lunch. We had to pick an item on the table and describe 3 things about ourselves.

Well, trying to come up with something, I picked butter. I presumed no one would actually pick that (coz I was the only one having butter for my bread) but I guess I did manage to come up with something.

Butter. When cold, it is hard, and when warm, it becomes soft.
I guess I'm like butter as I take a while to warm up to people. I can seem a bit "anti-social" and cautious around strangers, but once I "ok" them, I warm up to them and soften up like oozy butter.

(This later part's a post-reflection & very much self-promotion :P)

Another aspect of butter is that it usually complements something, like as a spread for bread, an ingredient in cakes, cooking, etc., basically enhancing the flavour. It's very subtle and sometimes taken for granted (except in instances when the rich buttery flavour is meant to come through). I won't say I'm taken for granted (maybe sometimes), but I'm quite subtle and reserved, often hidden in the background. Of course, I would like to believe I "enhance the flavour" for some people. And it's definitely 1 of the ingredients to "comfort food". ;P

Choosing someone...

Recently, I attended a talk by 1 of our church pastors who shared on 10 principles of choosing/finding a life partner.

1 interesting point he pointed out during the "principle of willingness" (Genesis 24:8, 57) is that a lot of us may have this notion that there is only 1 person in the world that is chosen for us, hence, sometimes, we hesitate, asking if the person you've met is that one and eventually, the opportunity passes us by if we wait too long or decide not to pursue this interest. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, for this thing on whether there is predestiny is beyond us. We will never know what's ahead coz we can never comprehend God's ways.
But one thing's for sure. It is by God's grace that we meet who we meet and there has to be willingness from both parties. God doesn't tie us down and He allows us to make choices, just like when Abraham says he will release the servant from the oath of finding Isaac's mate if the girl is not willing. Other examples of God letting us be free to choose are Numbers 36:6 and 1 Corinthians 7:39. He allows us to marry anyone we wish as long as we are marrying within the principles of God (e.g. to be equally yoked).

And when both parties are willing, He makes things happen. Just like the "moment" between Isaac & Rebekah in Genesis 24:63-64. Nothing is too difficult for our God. Most importantly, we must "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)

To round up, here are the 10 principles:
1) Principle of Seeking Counsel (Gen. 24:12-14)
2) Principle of Equally Yoked (Gen. 24:4)
3) Principle of Beauty & Purity (Gen. 24:16)
4) Principle of Shared Inheritance (Gen. 24:7)
5) Principle of Willingness (Gen. 24:8,57)
6) Principle of Prayer (Gen. 24:12)
7) Principle of Kindness (Gen. 24:19-20)
8) Principle of Family Blessing (Gen. 24:59-60)
9) Principle of Timing (waiting for the divine timing of God; trust)
10) Principle of The Well

ODB - 13 May'09

I was reading today's Our Daily Bread and here's a quote:

"Repentance is not something we can do unless we have the prompting of the Holy Spirit; it’s a gift from God. Pray for repentance today (2 Tim. 2:24-26)." — Marvin Williams

I have not thought about repentance as a gift before. Yes, it's a conviction by the prompting from the Holy Spirit but I didn't relate it to being a gift. It's actually something we need to pray for when asking for forgiveness.
When we sin, it's one thing to just acknowledge that we have sinned (which is of course important), and another to be considered repentant. Repentance takes more than acknowledging your sin; you have to turn from your sinful ways. No point asking for forgiveness when you will do it all over again the next minute.

Of course, you have to accept this "gift" to be delivered from your sinful habits.

Losing it

I can feel my passion (in my job) slowly bleeding out. Not that I am losing interest in local heritage, but I think I'm burning out, if not burnt out already.

I've been pretty restless at work for the past few months. I know I have piles of things to clear, but I'm not very motivated to work on them.

Mostly, I'm frustrated with some ideas suggested which does not seem well thought through, especially when the people who came up with it don't actually do or know the work. (Why were we hoodwinked into it?) Not that these ideas are bad. Ideally, they are good concepts & ideals. But as we know, ideal scenarios are not practical, and they have not considered the implementation difficulties based on our limited resources & system capabilities.

And I'm beginning to regret taking on some projects which I feel I'm not really ready for (basically time & resource constraints). Am also regretting taking up this development programme that was offered. The idea was good, but then the implementation was not that great, dashing a few of our ideals or hopes of what it would bring. Felt like we were "tricked" into it (all those promises) which would amount to nothing in the end. Well, it'll be over in less than a year, but will be bonded to the organisation for another 2 years. Not sure if I would ever get to progress in the direction I wanted to.

Anyway, what's the direction ahead? I see no clear path. What's God's purpose?

The armour of God

Was reading an entry in the blog "Been Thinking About with Mart De Haan & Friends" (if you heard of "Our Daily Bread", you might know Mart De Haan) which gave a breakdown of the armour of God mentioned in Ephesians 6:

1. Tell the truth (belt of truth)
2. Do what is right (breastplate of righteousness)
3. Be ready to help (shoes prep/gospel of peace)
4. Trust the Lord (shield of faith)
5. Think future (helmet of salvation) see 1Thess 5:8
6. Quote the Word of God (sword of the Spirit)
7. Pray for one-another (prayerful dependence/intercession)

Gee...I guess from time to time, I have my loopholes in my armour. Hopefully I will learn to fortify them.

Nostalgic weekend

Interestingly, though not intended, I had a weekend of nostalgia, reminiscing of my younger days (childhood & schooling days).

The weekend began with a night at Partyworld where me and a few of my friends belted out our favourite songs. As I've more or less lost touch with the radio world, my knowledge of songs are still in the era of my school days, especially the Mandarin pop songs then, in sec school. Yup, I'm talking about times when singers like 张信哲、张学友、刘德华、王菲、孙耀威 etc. were hugely popular. Nowadays the popular singers like Jay Chou is out of my reach (not that I like his singing). I sang songs like 许如芸 & 熊天平's lovely duets 《你的眼睛》& 《爱情电影》and also《广岛之恋》、《矜持》&《红豆》. After that era, I began listening to more English pop, hence lost track of newer Mandarin pop songs.

My English pop era consisted more of acts like Savage Garden and Ricky Martin. But I still listen to English pop songs, though I know a lot more indie acts now that you can't actually find as karaoke songs (can't believe they didn't have "I'm Yours"!). Of course, I had my all-time fave, Carpenters too (this was before my era, but I love oldies, including Beatles). And what's karaoke without some boyband songs? Yup, I listened to Westlife & Boyzone back then.

Following Friday, Saturday began my day with Session 2 of National Museum's curatorial lectures where the topic was "Our Favourite Things: The Past Revisited in Contemporary Culture". The speakers talked about "objects" of our past, some which are really "in the past" but also some that are still existing today albeit some modernisation, e.g. tiffin carriers, koptiam culture, "Good Morning" towels, brown paper bags, furniture, etc. Some of these have been modified/improvised to become commercialised, but still, it was about our local history and a review of our changing times.

After the talk, my friend & I went to catch Star Trek. I recalled the times in the past when I actually watched Star Trek. Ok, in my time it was when Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart a.k.a. Charles Xavier of X-Men) was the captain of the Enterprise in "Star Trek: The Next Generation", but I did catch some re-runs of the 1960s version with Captain Kirk & Mr. Spock. Who doesn't know Mr. Spock?
Anyway, the current movie talks about James T. Kirk & Spock's younger days and their first flight out together. The show was very enjoyable and there was much humour. And you can catch the original Spock (Leonard Nimoy) playing (guess who?) an old Spock from the future.

Those were the days.

Counter-counter parry

We learnt a new tactic today at fencing and the instructor gave it a really funny reference...he called it the "smell your armpit" tactic. Ok ok, it sounds really crude, but basically, it is a tactic to counter a counter-parry, used only at close distances. Basically, as the opponent does a counter-parry-riposte, you raise your arm to deflect the blade and do a quick attack, "finishing" the opponent off. You've got to get the timing right, or else you'll get hit and lose the point.

Well, learning it is one thing, but whether I can really apply it or know when to use it during a bout is another matter.

Anyway, somehow my legs seemed like the main target area today, coz it was hit so many times! Now I have a few bruises on my thighs. Yikes! Fortunately it can be covered up.

Music · Museum · Cafe

I have this brilliant idea...ok, not really brilliant (not sure if it's original), and it's more of a concept, but I'm getting all excited just visualizing it.

A few days ago, I was pondering over why we don't have a Singapore Music Museum. We have museums for visual arts (e.g. Singapore Art Museum), literary arts (National Library), but why not Singapore music? I had actually forgotten about it but today it came to mind again and I started developing it in my mind and the concept came while I was on my way home. Ok, here's the layout...

I'm envisioning this 2-storey space which is circular in design, with an atrium in the centre (i.e. the 2nd floor can look down into the centre space of the 1st floor). On the 2nd floor are the main exhibits about Singapore music. We can have displays on the rock-n-roll era, pioneers of Singapore music, NDP music, and the development through the years to the present day. The "through the years" display will likely be the permanent exhibit (though we will rotate the items being displayed), but we would also have a segment for special exhibits (maybe a special showcase of a personality in the Singapore music scene, etc.). I'm even contemplating using soundscaping for the "through the years" part where when someone steps into a certain zone, music from that era will play. (Hee...this was an idea I never got to use previously - the "envelop effect"). I think that's how music can be "showcased". It's not visual like the other art forms, so soundscaping is 1 of the ways.

Then downstairs, it would be like an interactive zone, or I would say activity zone.

There will be a small recording studio which people can rent to record their songs. A demo room/library, where singer-songwriters can deposit their demos and whoever's interested or talent scouts can come in to listen to these demos. Eventually, the old demos will be moved to become part of the museum's exhibition collection.

There will be a cafe selling some simple stuff. Ok, basically I'm thinking of selling some of my more successful culinary dishes like (my mum's) chicken curry, potato gratin & lasagne. And who can go wrong with toasted sandwiches? Of course with some coffee & tea, fruit juice and maybe some other drinks like soy bean milk as well. Don't need to serve too many things coz less variety sometimes means better quality.

And the best part is the centre area. It's part of the cafe (seating) but there is a stage on 1 side facing the bar/kitchen. So people can sit facing the stage & not be distracted by the kitchen. We can have open mikes, music talks, mini-concerts, etc. I think the circular design will also help with the acoustics and maybe create that "envelop effect" as well.

Feasible? Ok, if anyone wants to capitalise on this, you can, coz I myself will not have the resources to set up something like that. But if possible, leave a job vacancy for me. :)

PS: This is so much more dynamic, meaningful & cool than a book cafe, which I used to dream about. And I like the concept of creating spaces.