Some friends have noticed that I tend not to commit to a stand, well, at least not straightaway. As one said, it might not be a bad thing, but it sure makes decision-making tough. It frustrates some of my friends actually. I attribute it to my tendency to rationalise (sometimes a bit too much) and trying to see a broader view and consider many options or possibilities, pros and cons, and be objective. Too many considerations, too many influences, too many buts. Also, I take some time to digest/process what's laid out. I try to provide options for others (if it involves other people) as I don't want to impose my preferences on others too much.
Alternatively, it could mean it takes A LOT to "excite" me, or draw some response. Maybe I practise too much self-restraint. But if I do respond emotionally outwardly, that means it is significant. Just like how I sometimes rate a movie; if it can make me cry or feel like clapping my hands, it's a good movie (of course it depends on my mood when I watch it too). The same goes for books. It could also be related to how nowadays, I try to restrain myself for feeling too much for anyone, especially when there's a possibility that it won't be reciprocated... although it's a bit hard to control and it all ends in heartbreak (again). And I'll just scold myself for being so stupid and irrational and try to recover and move on, eventually.
But some things I make my stand very clear, especially in relation to my faith and values.
But I do respond with my emotions once in a while. And you may ask me why, which I might not have the answer. If you probe further (e.g. why did you like it), then you will kind of force me to do the whole analysis thing again when it was simply a "feel" answer.
So considering these, let me draw up a "glossary" of my usual answers (first response):
1) "bad"- this means it could probably is bad or quite bad
2) "ok " - average or slightly better than average
3) "not bad" - it means I like it and is almost like saying good
4) "good" or "excellent" - very good (the words speak for themselves)
(hee...looks like I'm giving options again!)
But I normally do make a choice eventually. And usually when I commit to a decision, I usually stick to it, and will see through it to the end. I am not a fickle-minded person and very loyal.
Maybe I should spare some brain cells and not think too much all the time and be outwardly more passionate. Sometimes I do respond internally, but not speak it out...not so good expressing things verbally.
9 years ago
"Some friends have noticed that I tend not to commit to a stand, well, at least not straightaway. As one said, it might not be a bad thing, but it sure makes decision-making tough. It frustrates some of my friends actually. I attribute it to my tendency to rationalise (sometimes a bit too much) and trying to see a broader view and consider many options or possibilities, pros and cons, and be objective. Too many considerations, too many influences, too many buts. Also, I take some time to digest/process what's laid out."
ReplyDeleteYup I've noticed your best ideas come when you have had time to go home to think about it, and had time to slowly pen down all your thoughts. But that also means it's almost impossible to get spontaneous responses or ideas from you.
"I try to provide options for others (if it involves other people) as I don't want to impose my preferences on others too much."
Yup, you're very good at providing options! And I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
"Alternatively, it could mean it takes A LOT to "excite" me, or draw some response."
Well, I guess relationships are always a two-way thing. Both sides need to give and receive. If there is a lack of response from one side, it may sometimes cause the other side to be confused or even "frustrated" (to use your word).
In social interactions, both sides will always need to feed off each other based on each other's responses. If once side is unable to decipher what the other party is thinking, then he/she will not know where he/she stands and it is difficult to try to carry on from there. Also, if one side is unwilling to reveal his/her emotions, then it might be a bit unfair to the other party as it has become a one-way thing.
Yes, as you mentioned, being completely restrained eliminates any possibility of being hurt. But on the flip side, if one does not risk anything, then chances of gaining are very low as well.
This is just my view.
Would you agree?
"being completely restrained eliminates any possibility of being hurt. But on the flip side, if one does not risk anything, then chances of gaining are very low as well."
ReplyDeleteI won't disagree with you as it is perfectly logical. No risk, no gain. But survival instincts sometimes hinder this, especially if hurt before...it becomes harder.
I won't say I'm completely restrained. Actually, I feel a lot lah, but don't show or say it, or don't know how to. Most of the time, people are only seeing the tip of the iceberg of me. It's only because of the uncertainty, so rationalisation sets in. Sometimes it might prove awkward thereafter if I reveal too much, whether in the negative or positive. Anyway, I've been told it's pretty obvious whether I like someone or not. Although I must say I take time to warm up to people.
It's difficult to determine how much to reveal, or maybe I don't know how to. Reveal too little and people think I'm cold. Reveal too much, then I might turn people off or be too emotional and might get hurt.
Maybe as a guy, you see emotions differently, so it is more difficult for you to understand how girls deal with these emotional grey areas.