With the impending addition to my life in numbers, I can't help but think about some things.
All I want is someone who can make me smile, not cry. No more tears, or at least someone to wipe them away. Well, 男人不该让女人流泪 (unless if it's tears of happiness). Of course, there can be disagreements but not to a certain level of emotional hurt.
(ok, I planned to stop here, but...)
Well, that's one of the things I asked myself. What do I really want? What do I look for? Of course, he has to be a godly man (a Christian man of reasonably good faith), and someone who shares some common interests with me, especially appreciating the arts. He doesn't need to share all my interests, but arts (especially performing arts) is a big part of me. Someone whom I can serve God together with. It could be the area of worship or something, I don't know. But where the Lord leads for both of us.
Someone who can accept me as who I am, just like how I would accept who he is, because there is no other me (or him).
I guess all these will contribute to a man that can make me smile. Am I asking for too much?
9 years ago
"Someone who can accept me as who I am, just like how I would accept who he is..."
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a slight contradiction here as you mentioned that you would accept him as who he is, but earlier on you listed a number of criteria that you want him to be, e.g. make you smile, wipe away your tears, godly man, shares common interests especially arts, serve God together with, etc.
How can you accept someone "as who he is", if you are looking for a number of pre-requisites? This is the part I don't understand.
"Am I asking for too much?"
Not really. I think it is quite common for females, especially in Singapore, to look for a number of pre-requisites when it comes to a life partner. Some may be more expectant than others, but generally there is always a long "checklist".
While there is nothing wrong with making a checklist, the question is whether it is realistic and whether the "perfect man" you are looking for would ever appear in front of your eyes?
I think most females end up either being disappointed, or having to settle for less than their ideal because they would realise that this is the real world we are living in, and the "perfect man" doesn't always exist.
Lastly, as you are a faithful servant of God, you should be able to take comfort in the fact that God cares for you and will ultimately provide for you to the best of His judgement. God cares for you more than you could ever care for yourself.
I believe checklists are not confined to females. So some fundamental pre-requisites (e.g. a God-fearing man) are there to guide you and what are the priorities. No one has no expectations, unless he/she isn't looking. Also, you need something that draws you together.
ReplyDelete"How can you accept someone "as who he is", if you are looking for a number of pre-requisites? This is the part I don't understand."
Everyone has his/her idiosyncrasies and are not perfect, and so this is where we accept these as part of the person. I don't expect the person to be perfect, so it's just a matter of priorities.
Actually, I don't believe the perfect man exists, and I'm not perfect as well, but there will be someone just right for each of us, so that we can grow together and have an edifying relationship.
Anyone, what I'm asking for is to be happy in a relationship. Shouldn't that be the case?
ReplyDelete"I believe checklists are not confined to females. So some fundamental pre-requisites (e.g. a God-fearing man) are there to guide you and what are the priorities. No one has no expectations, unless he/she isn't looking. Also, you need something that draws you together."
ReplyDeleteAgreed. For sure, everyone will have their own personal checklists, regardless of whether it is realistic or not. It's normal. I would have my own checklist as well.
However, the part that I can't understand is when people (not talking about you directly) draw up a long checklist of what they want (which is normal), then they qualify it by saying "I will accept him as who he is".
What if he is everything that is NOT what you're looking for? Do you still accept him as who he is? How does one reconcile this contradiction?
"Anyone, what I'm asking for is to be happy in a relationship. Shouldn't that be the case?"
Yes, that should always be the case. Moreover, as you are my friend, all the more I would want to see you being happy in a relationship. (And I'm sure God wants it too.)
However, just to add that expectations should always be managed. Not to say that your expectations are too high or anything, but I'm just saying that when one sets overly high expectations, one tends to be more likely to be disappointed.
If I say that I will be happy only when I become a billionaire, then it is highly likely that I will not be successful in my pursuit of happiness. This is an extreme scenario, but you should get my drift.
Just some thoughts from a friend.
haha...I think my checklist has become shorter these days.
ReplyDelete"What if he is everything that is NOT what you're looking for? Do you still accept him as who he is? How does one reconcile this contradiction?"
That's the tricky part. But think there will be at least one criteria that meets right? Or else how to be attracted? There's also the "dynamics" or "chemistry" when you're with the person. Somehow you just "clique" (just like how you how you get along with some of your friends).
I think it's possible to still accept the person and the only way to reconcile is love.
I think you know what you want. I think the most important thing is to continue to believe in God.
ReplyDelete"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you."
I think it works. Remaining in Him & asking Him. If you have been following Him, probably you have not asked or if you have asked, you have not specifically asked.
It will be given you leh. Hold that belief. Sometimes it is good to visualize about it. I think you know what you want. So have that image visualized. What follows is just the process. But before that you must claim that promise and that is to give thanks that He has given just that you have not received.
So when you get to received? Not to your timing but to his timing. But it won't be long coz God is not cruel. He has made human beings and that we have different roles to play at different stages of our life.
So my friend, all you need to do is to ask SPECIFICALLY for what you want and CLAIM that promise. Won't be long lah.
(Damn. Why did I write so long.)
"Mr-Soon-To-Be-Debt-Free":
ReplyDeleteOf course I believe God will provide and I've already been doing all those things you said.
All the best.
ReplyDeleteDon't have too high expectations, because there is always this thing known as "reality", and it bites.
Instead of always thinking about what "he can offer you", maybe you can also look at it as "what kind of a person would you be for him?". (Kind of like the "ask not what you can do for your country..." kind of perspective.)
Good luck. I believe the right man will come into your life someday.
ya lar 'Mr Soon-To-Be-Paid-Back-After-Many-Months-Of-Empty-Promises', I have also been praying that God will 'prepare' me for him who comes along. I know a relationship is not just about receiving, but also giving.
ReplyDeletePS: Hope you'll take your own advice as well. :P
Pretty interesting discussion going on here!
ReplyDeleteWell I guess everyone has checklists, but I believe that when you meet the person with whom chemistry just happens the right way, these checklists don't matter anymore. And it's a matter of working out the differences later on.
Weirdly though, my thoughts go along the line that not everyone will meet "that special someone" in his/her lifetime. Sounds pretty extreme but I think it does happen!
"...I believe that when you meet the person with whom chemistry just happens the right way, these checklists don't matter anymore. And it's a matter of working out the differences later on."
ReplyDeleteI agree.