Ambitious?

Ever since I became a librarian, I think I've become ambitious. In the past, when i was an accountant, I didn't feel the same. It was just a job then. Now, I see my future (at least for now) ahead, as a career.

I'm not ambitious in the "competitive" way. It's more driven by passion for the holistic meaning of what I do or can do. I have visions of bigger plans, how big my work areas can be and what can be done...the big picture (well, right now is it more like mine?). I have passion for the profession, and the cultural aspect of it all. With passion, there's vision. My brain ticks and envisions "how much more can be done for this area", the future possibilities, the long run effect & results, or even the creation of something bigger than the current state. And these are really meaningful work that will benefit our society in the long run, benefit Singapore in the long run.

My ambitions are also driven by negative forces. The lack of power to carry out the vision, to put the meaning & passion into reality, to bring it across. It is also driven by disappointment, at how some management personnel don't seem to see the meaning of it all, have no passion at all (they don't seem to buy into the mission/vision that is set by the Board & holistic impact) and doing things for the sake of doing it only and approaching things in the wrong way or totally miss the point. This really demoralises those who are passionate, till they lose that passion and become "in the system" coz they are disillusioned and convinced that life won't change for the better.

I still recall the earlier days when I was really supportive & passionate about the importance of what I'm doing, of being a librarian, doing something that's benefitting the nation. Now, seeing management being not really in the library field and are not really interested/passionate nor buy into the mission and holistic vision, and in some cases incompetent, it's hard to keep "passionate" for long due to all these discouragement. I struggling real hard to keep the passion up and I hope I stand long.

Ambitious? In a way, but is more for the power to do the right & meaningful thing in & for the organisation, for the nation.

One Last Dance 茶舞

Yesterday, I went to watch One Last Dance (茶舞)， a show starring Francis Ng.
It's a rather interesting show, especially how it was directed/filmed.

You start off with a sequence of events that tells a story. Well, as you watch, you don't really find anything special. However, as you reach a certain point, which seems to be the end of the story for that sequence, it is revealed that actually the sequence of events is reversed which depicts the real story & you get another storyline of what's happening. And that's the "wow" part.

Just as it says, it's like a jigsaw puzzle & it is at that turning point that somehow, something went on the brain and everything becomes clear & falls nicely into place, and the show becomes different, not not special anymore.

Also, the theme song is hauntingly fantastic...called Broken Orange.

"Directing Asia" talk by Francis Ng 吴镇宇

Attended an event organised by NLB under their Directing Asia series - "Crime: The Dark Side of Asian Cinema, A Talk by Francis Ng".
Of course, the main attraction was Francis Ng. Fortunately I registered for the event, or else I wouldn't have gotten in!

It was very educational, as he focused on HK cinema/films rather than on his soon-to-screen movie One Last Dance.

He talked about how he was the "disobedient" actor who dared to not do what the director said, but followed his instincts as a professional actor, using his skills to display and draw audience into the show. He also mentioned of the seeming redundancy of creating specific "image" (形象设计) using "art directors"...he cracked a joke about how art directors were created to "ark lei ge" director...if you know Cantonese you will get his joke.

He also joked about why he chose the movie line rather than TV. He said that in the past, people always called TV personalities 艺人 (yi ren) but movie stars, 明星 (ming xing). So he wanted to be a star, that's why he made movies. Of course, now they are all also called 演员 (actors) so it's not so bad now.

Sticking to the topic discussed, he mentioned that everybody has a dark side. Only when you have the dark side, then one can see the good side (light). It is a comparative thing (对比).

Also, there was discussion about how crime in HK cinema has evolved through the years. Though the context is still about the same, the characters have become more complex; in the past, the bad & good guys were quite distinct, but now, the characters have dual (or more) personalities.

A comparison between western & Asian cinema were made, the differing style & how Hollywood has now looked to Asia for inspiration for filmmaking. Also talked about 暴力艺术 (artistic violence) in movies.

Someone from the audience asked about why HK films are mainly about gangsters and if there will be any new changes. He responded that why HK produces so many gangster & comedy films is the same reason why Hindi (Bollywood) films always have singing & dancing (which raised a lot of laughter)!...it is their characteristic, or else who will want to watch?!

Someone also asked if he will film a gangster film in Singapore. Well, I think this person didn't read up enough, as One Last Dance was filmed in Singapore! Anyway, Francis Ng answered his question by saying Singapore was a tad too "clean" to film a gangster flick. He gave some examples of the people who came for the audition who didn't really fit.

About his dream role, Francis said he would love to play an orchestra conductor coz he is fascinated with the expression through hands and that he doesn't know music. It is something different. He said his manager gave him a weird look and said something like hah? 亏本生意.

Someone also asked him if he were to direct/produce a gangster flick, how would he do it? He said he would focus on the woman behind the gangster chief. He said that sometimes, when you 得罪a man, it's ok, but when you 得罪a woman, haha...big trouble. I guess hell hath no fury than a woman scorned. He said a woman is quite powerful and a woman can have a few (powerful) men, using her special abilities to make them do things for her.

He ended with the talk of how the dark side doesn't only exist in 黑社会. Sometimes those in seemingly "light" organisations are even darker.

There were so many things covered that I can't recall all at once, but will add on once I remember. Waiting for my friend to send me the photos to post here.

Restarting my fencing classes

Today, I restarted my fencing classes again. I was already falling into inertia, so it was a good jolt, as I did a "refresher" course. Believe it or not, I was the only adult taking classes! The rest were secondary school kids! My colleagues were not continuing (some only next year).

However, this time round I tried épée for the 1st time. This is different from foil; epee's target area is any part of the body. So I had to remember that I can poke anywhere, and must be quick & swift. The épée, descendant of the duelling sword is heavier than foil with a larger guard. Yes, got an injury on my fencing arm (won't "show it off" this time around). Will need to wear some bandage on my left arm next time for better protection.

On the whole, it was quite exhilarating! Though I need to build up my stamina 1st and train myself to be fitter. Need to train my thrusts too, so that I can hit target accurately.

Marley & Me

I've finally finished reading Marley & Me ~ "The heartwarming and unforgettable story of a family in the making and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life".

This is a must read for all dog lovers! I learned a lot more about labradors. It takes a lot of responsibility. I didn't know dogs grey too when they get old!

The book records the life of Marley from the time of his "adoption" as a puppy till his death. You get to know this dog as he journeys with the writer & his family, from the time they were newly married to having kids, like a personal friend & you feel you're a part of the life of the dog, endearing him to you. You'll find yourself laughing & crying as you read along. I nearly choked on my tears as the book went into its last few chapters when Marley was reaching the end of life's journey.

Don't you just love dogs? Unfortunately, I don't own one.

Unequally yoked & infidelity

Today, attended another event and there was some talk about why a Christian must marry a Christian. Surprisingly, not all Christians seem to agree...or rather they don't agree that you can't date a non-Christian, but the person can eventually be converted (it seems that mostly guys think this way, but an occasional female did say the same). Also, a lady friend of mine commented that it seems that it is "easier" for guys to get gals to convert rather than the other way. 1 person even said he had "no preference". It seems to be like some people think that "well, if the other party is a Christian it will be better, but we can settle for a non-Christian & they will eventually come around".
Huh?! Forgive me, I'm really sometimes very surprised/puzzled when fellow Christians think this way & I myself never considered such an alternative once I became a believer. Maybe it is the way of the world that changes people's perspective on such a matter as the relationship dynamics in society change.

Anyway, that's beside the point. I believed I mentioned earlier that if that's the case, you're more motivated for self-interest and there might be repercussions in future.

Ok, back to the chat. During the conversation, I seemed to have a sudden revelation or rather a light bulb went on in me to ponder if being unequally-yoked is actually like infidelity towards GOD. I am someone who cannot stand infidelity (as do many others). And seeking someone not of the same faith is like side-stepping the path which leads to GOD and succumbing to temptation outside the body of Christ. It's hard for me to explain why I suddenly had this in mind or felt this way, but it's like you're committing "adultery".

For me, I strongly believe in finding a Christian to be my bf and husband. Hence, I hope/expect the other party to share this same value as me, that he will only look for Christians to be his future partner. Although I don't wish to be judgmental, but it might reflect on how he looks at his faith. For me, leaving your options "more open" for people of other faiths is like opening a door to step into darkness or a host of temptations & danger. Why risk it?
It's perfectly fine to be friends with people of other faiths, but boundaries have to be put in place if there is a risk of going further incautiously. It's like walking on thin ice and as the ice melts (like the other person melts you :P), you can drop in anytime in places that are more vulnerable than others to be swallowed underwater. (Maybe that's why ladies are more prone to "melt away"?)
Ok, it sounds bleak but i'm pretty serious about it.

It's not about settling for something that you can have right now (even when you know it's against His will), but GOD honours those who are patient and willing to wait.

Do I sound very 专制？ I believe there are those who share this belief with me.

A Season for Everything

It seems GOD has been repeating stuff (at least to me) lately. From my earlier entry about his faithfulness, this time, He's emphasizing about patience.

This week's network meeting mentioned about "A Time for Everything" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8); about the chronos, kairos & pleroo times of life.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace"

Then, this morning as I was reading a section of a chapter of a book, the same verses came out. After that, as I was reading "Our Daily Bread" The same verses again!

Guess as from the previous message, I have to be patient & let GOD do his work at His timing; He's saying "wait a while lah".

Amazing how GOD repeats His message to us...maybe He knows I'm those brooding kind, so needs more?

Putting your "Isaac" on the Altar

I believe some have heard the biblical account of Abraham commanded by GOD to "sacrifice" his only GOD-given son, Isaac, who was born to him when he was 100 yrs old (GOD had promised Abraham that He will make him the father of nations).
Abraham, being the obedient servant of GOD obeyed & brought Isaac to the designated area & built an altar, placing Isaac on it. Just as he was about to carry out the deed, an angel of the LORD stopped him and said that the LORD has provided something else (Genesis 22).

Anyway, what I'm trying to write here is that at this week's network meeting, our pastor mentioned about putting her "Isaac" on the altar.
For me, are there any "Isaac"s that need to be put on the altar? I believe I have and the LORD seemed to be telling me to leave it in His hands and He has his timing. I should let go & let GOD and not keep thinking & fretting over something I know I can't control.
I'm trying to do that & keep praying, though I still tend to want to know & am anxious to know.

Management vs passion for directive

Sometimes, one really wonders if the management, bosses & supervisors really agree with the mission & what top level management sets as the direction to go, or are they just doing it just for the sake of doing it because top management says so.

Working in my organisation, I cannot see my boss & division head being really passionate about the mission/cause for what we are working for, which has been a focus for many years, though in different words from time to time. They are doing it because they "don't have a choice" and you don't see them understanding what it means to be a librarian (mind you, our division head does not come from a library background). They do not fight for us nor give us the vibes that "hey, let's work together in carrying out the mission/goal". If they themselves don't agree or have the drive from within (the heart) to fulfill the purpose, how would staff be motivated to carry it out? I'm passionate & see the good of the cause we're moving into but am demoralised by management coz they seem to be doing things just for the sake of doing it.
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Not too long ago, another unit from our division had submitted a request to go for an overseas trip to further knowledge. My boss asked the general manager if I could be included too. That manager just said that it is too late now to include my name as the CEO had already approved that unit's request (what kind of reply is this anyway?). Then, recently we found out that someone from another unit of another division managed to be squeezed in because her boss pushed for it. What a difference it makes when management supports staff and at least try to fight for you! My side, they just turn your request flat down without even wanting to try. And they are very inflexible.

God is faithful (II)

Can you believe it?! This whole week seems like it is a message of GOD's faithfulness and promises!

Had network meeting tonight and guess what was the Word shared? It's about GOD's faithfulness and that He will not forget the promises He gave; He will fulfill His promises and answer your prayers (of course those that are in line with His will...His answer can be yes & no and at His own time)!

I'm so amazed at the message given to me since the beginning of the week where He keeps affirming me that He is indeed always there. Our GOD is a faithful GOD and there is certainty in His promises.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)

I am really grateful as He has granted me much favour so far. He gives me clear answers when there is a need, whether it's my studies, job and relationships, allowing me to experience Him first hand. I can't help "wow"ing.

Can't help singing "Our GOD is an awesome GOD, He reigns on heaven & earth"...