How do I manage people?

Had a kind of "showdown" session with my staff today. Well, that's exaggerating, but it was more like a feedback session from them. Not the angry kind lah...also because year end review coming, so they wanted to clear the air before that.

They were saying that they don't feel appreciated by me as I don't really tell them so often. Although they still believe that I don't do it intentionally, and it's just the way I communicate.

No, I didn't feel offended or anything, but I think it's good they share with me their feelings rather than have them repressed, this thorn. I believe this thorn has become a sting and whenever I say something that is neutral, it begins to sound negative, which is all a misunderstanding.

I am not a very direct person or good at communicating my thoughts. And I am not expressive. My friends have commented that I am "cold" or seem aloof, and one even referred me to Mona Lisa or even ice queen, not knowing what goes on in my mind. No, I'm not spontaneous and maybe I lag in responding because I analyse too much. Or maybe because I'm just slow in reacting. Is it the detached way of mine?

I don't express much and maybe I don't compliment people much, not because I don't appreciate them. So I began reflecting. Is it my background? My family isn't super strict, but I don't recall compliments coming that easily though. Maybe it was the unsaid. Maybe that's why I also don't receive compliments well; I get caught off guard at how to react when someone compliments me. I only started reminding myself to thank people when they do in recent years and it still feels awkward to me. Am too critical of myself and as such, am critical of others?
Actually, maybe to me the silent way is acknowledging that they are doing okay, and I don't worry about them. However, they want something certain or directional in that sense to know how they are doing. And if I do ask about progress, I really just want to know the progress and what's going on, not really wanting to restrict them but showing interest in what they are doing. Not micro-managing because I do trust them, and when I ask them to do things, I know they can do it, and not just "ordering" them about. Hmm...sometimes I'm also gauging how far to push them.

And maybe I tend to look for solutions and neglect the praise parts. (Sometimes I think in this aspect I'm like a guy? No?) So in my feedback during mid-year I gave more suggestions than acknowledging the good work done, which was maybe why they felt that way too.

I really want the best for my staff. I also want to align them with the overall picture sometimes too, but at the same time not cramp their style. This is a good team and I want to try to develop them and raise their profile. How can I do it better?

New Year Depression

My colleagues and I happened to discuss about New Year depression today, or accurately, it's yesterday on NYE. I don't think I've ever really thought there was such a thing before. Maybe it marks the end of the year before, or regrets of things not fulfilled. Just a moment ago, I suddenly felt a fear of what the new year might bring, with telltale signs or speculations of scenarios from circumstances.
I don't think I've really felt this way before about New Year. Hmm...

Being a Sunday School Teacher

How privileged we are that GOD has entrusted these precious little lives into our hands!
Hope we don't get too caught up in the carrying out of the duties and forget this.

Crying time

I believe once in a while, you need some "crying time". Whether you're stressed at work, stressed at school, having a personal debate or struggle with yourself, or simply the erm...pms, you need to take some time to let it out.

It may not come easy, especially if did not even realise that you needed it or have bottled up things for some time, but you can just trigger it by watching a moving movie or TV show, listening to music or just finding some solitude.

Yup, that's it, you need some solitude to just relax and clear your mind and spirit.

Short reflections on my birthday

Just thought I'll do some reflecting on my birthday.

I feel that it has been a long 1 year since my last birthday, with a new job scope since then and studies this year....has it really been only one year? Many major things have happened at work with its dynamism and new responsibilities. Studies-wise has been draining but fruitful, especially last semester. Hee....this semester a bit slack...must catch up soon!

Well, for today, I totally slacked it off. No going out or partying, just stayed home and did nothing literally, just sleeping (a lot), watched some videos and played candy crush and jewel mania. Only celebration was meeting friends for dinner. I shall leave my assignments till tomorrow!

Must be getting old, or I've been overworking, but even a day of doing nothing seems to make one feel good, except I think I slept too much, so having a bit of stiff neck. Haha!

Missing one like ages

Was just reflecting about having missed service last week and I find that whenever I have to miss service, whether because of travelling, work or some other thing, I find that I feel like I have been away a long time, even though I had only missed 1 session (well, technically 2 weeks away from the community). I guess it might be a good thing since it would mean that it's making a difference.

However, it might also lead to the effect of drawing you into a state of laziness if you're not careful, where you might develop a tendency of not attending church if you do not go in the subsequent week of the break. It is a trick of the devil and we must not forget the importance of attending church (not as a routine or ritual only) as Christians live in a community and there is a need for edification and instruction. Do not for one thing think that you can just study the bible on your own, but you need some revelation and affirmation, lest you tread the wrong path.

Well, what do you think?

In memory of...

How precious life is, how short it can be.

It is a time of grief for the family. He was not fully formed yet, but he had a heartbeat that struggled to stay alive, but in the end, he passed on quietly in his mother's womb. My dear nephew-that-would-have been. 16 weeks old. I can't imagine the pain my brother and sis-in-law is feeling, especially my sis-in-law who tried her best to keep the baby despite all odds. A life in her, a part of her taken away. The pains of a mother. 
I have not met him nor had the chance to see him, but I realised that I can't talk about it too, as I feel tears welling up. What more would the parents feel and even my mum who has seen the ultrasound when he was alive? 心疼.

Today they collected his body when my sis-in-law was discharged. Small it must have been. I wasn't there to see, and I probably can't bear to see. At least he will not be suffering anymore. No more struggling. Rest in peace dear boy. KCK/JCJ. You will be missed. - 姑姑

Weird Hitchhiker

I had a really strange encounter today.

As I stopped and waited at the traffic light round the corner of my house towards the main road, a woman came and knocked on my window (passenger side). I was taken by surprise and wary, but nonetheless, as it was still red light, I grabbed my bag in the seat (you'll never know) and wound the window down slightly to hear what she was saying.

And she actually asked me if I were driving towards Serangoon, Ang Mo Kio or even Thomson. Of course I said no! And wound up my window. It was the truth, but even if it weren't I would still say no. Seriously? Why would I let a stranger into my car, especially in this circumstance? Who knows what she would do? I may sound paranoid, but it was very weird, when the main road was just there, and she could have taken the bus or taxi. What if she whipped out a knife in the car or was some crazy woman? Her mannerism was a bit weird (ok, maybe I'm thinking too much), but IMH isn't that far from my house... And if she were trying to save money, sorry, no way. I didn't even know the person. Very weird.

I'm very selective in whom I give a ride to, especially after a bad experience.

I was glad my doors were locked. Who hitches a ride in Singapore?

Mosaic Music Fest 2013

Due to my school commitments, I only selected a few shows that I could make and fortunately, I felt that both were good choices, though I would have loved to catch more.

Acid House Kings (8 March, 10pm)

There's something about Swedish bands. I heard of this indie pop band from a friend and they were a fun group that had us dancing to their music with their tunes and lyrics. Songs featured included "Say Yes If You Love Me", "Sunday Morning", and "This Heart Is A Stone". Unfortunately, Julia Lannerheim had a bad throat that night and couldn't really sing, but she still went on, drinking a bottle of special mixture (枇杷膏 drink maybe?) in between songs. There were actually 2 sets that evening, but I heard our session was the more hyped show with a more lively audience. Yeah!

Anyway, in the midst of the show, I suddenly felt a sense of liberation. I felt like I had been missing out a lot these days (probably because of my studies) and very deprived of these chances of relaxing and soaking in arts. Ah, music is the best medicine and I miss basking in it.

World's End Girlfriend (16 March, 10pm)
This was a random choice. Maybe it's the name (or the publicity with it being the last few additions to the programme). Or I liked their Starry Starry Night album when I did some research, but I'm glad I chose this. It was quite different from Acid House Kings.

It was a pretty amazing experience. They started off slow, followed by a complex layering of music and tones. There was a gradual build up and before you knew it, they have drawn you into their music, just like that. How do I describe the effect? I was listening listening, and then I realised I became unwittingly "in" the music and it just encapsulates you, like in a universe of music. The music felt so much bigger than oneself, and I felt quite small in the music, like a drop of water in the sea (that's what I meant by being "in" the music).

It was also interesting observing the crowd. Everyone just stood there, enraptured in the moment, fixated on the band, almost like everyone was holding his/her breath. Maybe also it was almost a whole hour of non-stop playing, with the most a 2 or 3 few seconds break in between.

AND THEY NEVER SPOKE A WORD! Well, maybe if they did, it would have "broken the spell". The band just came out, played their music, bowed and went back in, without an encore. The audience hung around for a while, to see if they came out again, but no. They were an all-string band with 3 guitars, 1 cello and a violin, except 1 set of drums plus laptop; an interesting set-up for a band. Believe it or not, I was quite inspired to pick up my violin again after this performance.
And yes, the lead had long hair that he flipped from time to time.

Wreck-it Ralph or Fix-it Felix?

I seem to have some electromagnetic force going round me these days and it's been growing, like some super power.

Recently, since I moved to my new workplace it seems, I seem to be the one attracting glitches and system issues or some other thing related to electronics or gadgets. E.g. Cashcards get stuck in our e-kiosk, technical problems in set ups, etc. Last week was particularly freaky when the phone rang the moment I stepped into the manager's room, and even an alarm went off in the bus on my way home. Haha...there was one day even when 2 of my colleagues had problems with ATMs. We even joked that oh no! It's contagious! Well, the good thing is that I learned how to resolve most of them, but sometimes it just makes things inconvenient or delay service.

Strangely, I used to be the resolver where things start to work when I "touch" them. Some say I had the "magic touch". So am I Wreck-it Ralph now? But then, I learnt how to fix them, so maybe I'm Fix-It Felix too. Haha...

Ah well, the fun part is that me & my colleagues will joke about it and in fact, we each have some "super power" though weird ones that aren't really "heroic" but more like super powers gone wrong. Hahaha...