The assurance of GOD on my black Monday

I was on a 2-hour shift of prayers last night (my church is on a 40-day, 24 hours prayer mission till Good Friday) and I was assured of His control in my life.
Initially, I was thinking if it was warfare. After all, the 40-day prayer started on 21 Feb, and the whole saga started when our CEO officially announced the re-org on 22 Feb. Ok, just to give a brief on what's happening in my near future. The moment I heard of what kind of changes were involved, I had a bad feeling. Although some colleagues said that maybe it would not be so, my intuition told me otherwise. And my bad feeling came true, with an added dose of dismay, this Monday.

Firstly, My arts projects will be taken from me (there are two). They are like my "babies" as I was involved from the beginning, nurturing and fighting to keep them alive. Finally, there are results and they have taken flight in a way. Even though I was prepared to hear this happening (this was my bad feeling), it still affected me in a big way. Will the projects survive? How will their scope be changed? and many other questions. It felt like a part of me was severed from me as these projects have been my driving force and motivation in my current position, that remind me that at least I was doing something meaningful of which I'm passionate about. It felt like when a musician loses the ability to play music (not sure if this is an apt analogy). I have to release 1 of my staff too (she will move with 1 of my projects), whom I have developed rapport with. She's a little worried if she'll fit in the new place, but I believe it's better for her there. Also, I feel safe that the project would still be in good hands.

The extra dose was when I was told I would most likely be transferred to another dept that's coming under our division's wing, which I don't exactly like. Some colleagues would know what I once said I would not do (*sigh* as they said, never say "never"). This was unexpected and I shan't explain too much here since it's not appropriate.

So this Black Monday was my darkest day in the organisation so far. Even darker than when another event happened previously which I've learnt to live with. I know re-orgs are common and at least I still got a job, but the loss of the opportunity to work on content development and the chance for professional development towards where I want to move to...all my focus areas for development seem wasted.

Anyway, back to the prayer meet. It occurred to me that it might be a time of testing, or something wants to to get me down to doubt God. But thank God it never occurred to me to "blame" God for this. Nevertheless, I was perplexed, upset, emotional about the whole thing...I wanted to cry, but yet couldn't, the frustration that caused a "constriction" in my chest, etc. I moped around mostly after that, trying to collect myself. What was happening? What future would I have?

But God sent his assurance through one of my leaders yesterday as she prayed for me (who didn't know what's happening) and it totally described what I was going through. The anxiety, the unchartered grounds, the assurance that God is good and what He plans is always good. I'm relieved that I'm assured of God's presence in all things, even sending someone to tell me so. I'm not saying that He will deliver me from this position as I'm not sure of what His plans are yet, but a lot of things are still going on in my mind. What is the purpose? Is it a time to "remove the plank from my eyes"? Is it His way of making me let go of some things and make a clean break? Is He putting me there to make a difference? Or will there be a miracle? What should I be praying for then?

I'm still moping around, trying to come to terms with what's happening and still seek the Lord in what to pray for and direction. I am in need of taking time off (Friday) to seek Him on specifics and to sync what I know in my mind (the truth of His assurance) and the feelings in my heart. But I know one thing I will still pray for. It may not happen yet, but it must happen.